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N5,000 note? We are done for!

By Ebele Orakpo

These people are at it again!” Tony exclaimed as he sighted the headline on a national daily last week talking about the Central Bank of Nigeria introducing N5,000 note.

“No mind them,” said Chioma.

“Which people are you talking about?” asked Efe and Julius simultaneously.

Replied Tony: “Politricians of course! Who else do we talk about in Nigeria?”

“Poli.. what?” asked Efe laughing.

“You heard me right, Politricians, our maximum rulers,” repeated Tony.

“They are the ones pushing for this so that it will be easier for them to steal our money.”

“Yeah, you may not be far from the truth. One can conveniently pocket N10 million in his African parachute and cap without sweat,” noted Chioma.

“Which one be African parachute again? You guys won’t kill me with laughter…” said Efe.

Replied Chioma: “Agbada. It was an Oyinbo man that actually gave it that name. Some politicians went for their usual jamboree abroad and one of them took his clothes for laundry in the hotel where he lodged. As the Oyinbo was recording the type and number of clothes he was given, he came to the three-piece outfit, recorded the trouser, the top and then when he got to the agbada proper, he became thoroughly confused.

He turned it this way and that way, unable to decipher what in God’s name that piece of clothing was, he simply scribbled ‘and one white African parachute’”. Before Chioma finished her narration, everyone was roaring with laughter.

“I guess we will have to enact a law, forcing all public office holders to wear fitted suits. That way, the stealing will be minimized,” suggested Fred.

“Hmm, bros, you want us to forget our native attires? That wouldn’t be wise,” said Julius in response to Fred.

“The truth is that drastic times call for drastic measures. If the only way we can beat them in their own game is to sacrifice our native attires, so be it. For God’s sake, these people are killing us. See thousands of able-bodied young men and women roaming the streets, not knowing where the next meal will come from and those in charge of our common wealth are feeding fat from it and flaunting it without apologies.

I mean, it’s sickening. How do you think crime will be reduced?” asked Fred, visibly angry. He continued: “Do you think Farouk Lawan would have been able to successfully hide the bribery money if he was wearing a fitted suit?”

“My concern is the serious effect this N5,000 note will have on the purchasing power  of the naira. Right now, coins are practically useless because you can buy nothing with them. Even the N5.00 note can only buy sweet and now they want the smallest note to be N100 so I will not be surprised if a single sweet goes for N100 because people will definitely reject the coins as they did before,” said Tony.

“Goodnews! Just heard that the Senate has moved to stop the madness,” said Julius.

“But what is wrong with our people? Even a rich nation like the US still uses coins,” observed Chioma.

Replied Tony: “You know why? It’s because their money has value and their economy is strong unlike ours that is tottering because it is mono-product and import-dependent.”


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