By Debbie Olujobi
There comes a time when the calmest people explode. In times of contemplation I have often wondered about those people who never seem to get angry or even loose composure. I am not as quick tempered as I used to be but I have not reached the stage in my emotional development where my composure is absolutely stable.

My circle of influence is rather small. It is a direct dividend of not interacting. I do think an ability to maintain a semblance of cool headedness is an important ingredient for social interactions and I decided a while back that I did not have the energy or cool headedness to be of any use in any major circle of influence.

For the most part I am quite easy going but I have a few tantrums under my belt and even where anger is not an issue there are some bodily functions that throw my cool right out the window. A few weeks back I was excused from a meeting I should have attended because of my famous short fuse and it got me thinking that I should be able to manage pressure better.

Pressure points are those areas of emotional and psychological weaknesses which causes a meltdown emotionally and I guess they are proof no one is perfect. Our circle of influence has a lot to do with the pressure we sometime feel to fit in or to stand up for ourselves when the nature of the influence begins to change.

Interactions in any form involve emotions, our hearts play a significant part in our activities and whether we realise it or not we make emotional investments that yields dividends. Those dividends can be happy or painful but they always come.

Just like in business where money is the currency our emotions are the currency we invest in our social interactions. I believe it boils down to a sense of belonging we feel when we identify with the familiar. I know people who have invested a great chunk of emotion in people and have sometimes reaped meaningful gains; their lives have been enriched and their circle of influence widened considerably.

At the end of the day it’s all about influence; we come under the influence and values of others and we come away changed sometimes for the better. I have always admired groups of people that come together for a common good, in decades past social groups like the Rotary club and a few others wielded much influence but that has given way to the new ominous interactions and influences borne out of religion.

It’s very possible to have people whose sphere of influence is limited to their places of worship and work. People’s world views are compressing because most people are not mixing outside of groups; the world is getting myopic.  Religious influences wield more power because faith is involved and hardly is it possible to separate emotions and logic when conflict arises.

When emotions have been invested, pressure brings a new level of intensity to most situations.  Lately I have observed such a scenario and I find that hearts can be broken when associations dissolve and people feel let down by the circle of influence they have once been a part of.

I have never felt part of any thing and most of my life I have felt on the outside of the fence of most groups. It’s not an indictment of my family or friends, just an acceptance of my preference for solitude most of the time. It takes a lot of courage to enter an existing group and be assimilated; a lot more courage than I have so I tend to look from the outside in.

It brings me no joy to watch those I do love have their hearts broken when the influence of their circle turns malicious! Lately I have queried some associations and in my view it almost feels like people are putting themselves through the same stress of bullying they had as children.

It’s a bit peculiar to find grown adults picking on one another and passing judgement for no reason other than malice. Almost feels like an aquarium where the weakest fish is eaten up by the stronger ones.

The lesson I learnt from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is that a man is not the sum of his friends. Your circle of influence consisting of family, associates and friends cannot be put in a position where they determine the length of one’s life, one’s success or happiness. I believe the mistake a generality of people make is confusing their circle of influence with their identity. You can’t be known as a member or leader of any group, neither can you live life by association.

The truth is everything and everyone is replaceable, that’s life. Circles of influence in my view should be seen as not more important than a cloud that offers temporary shelter from the sun; just like we don’t get angry when it turns ominously dark and disappears it shouldn’t surprise us when our circles’ turn malicious and melts away. My circle is rather small; I love them but they are not the custodians of my joy, success or identity.

I have not delegated my joy to their influence.  I am a bit sceptical about the power wielded by the new age groups fuelled by ideas that border on manipulation, interference and outright control and domination of members.

Perhaps even Julius Caesar may have lived a longer life if he had not been so relaxed in his circle of influence; his last words were those of shock and disbelief as his closest friend was part of the circle that killed him.