By Ishola Balogun

COuples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching clean funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.

It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims. The most common form is to maintain friendships with the opposite sex over the boundaries set by Islam, and the misgivings of the spouse.

The latest trend of internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic adab (etiquette) and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in, repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences. This is a trust issue and one when compromised eats away the heart of marriage.

Usually when we are angry or displeased, the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements.

Allah states in the Quran do not be unjust under any circumstances, even if they be your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as “never” and “always” when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.

Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage.

Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in the lifestyle. This can cause in some cases depression and in some resentment and misunderstandings. One golden rule that must always be the guide is; that family comes first.

Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss with open hearts and mind. Couples who have elderly parents have an added responsibility to take care of them. This can also be very stressful if the couple is not prepared.

R-l: Qasim Adrudeen, Ameer, Muslim Students' Society of Ngeria, Lagos State Unit; Dr. Bashir Umar, Special Adviser to the CB N Governor on non-interest Bank, and Alhaji Nurudeen Kosoko, Special Adviser to Lagos State Governor on Religion during the Muslim Students' Society of Nigeria, Lagos State Area annual conference held at Alausa, Lagos

A care plan must be worked out with respective siblings and parents as to who will be the primary care giver and what type of support network they will have. In case of mental incompetence a power of attorney must be in place. The making of a will is most essential.

Finance: One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money. It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances.

It should be remembered that the wife’s money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family. Prophet Muhammad \stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first.

Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse’s feelings, they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones.

One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of  their spouses and if they invariably do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?

Freedom: Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one’s property is alien to Islamic concept of husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves.

A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor in their marriages by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles.

Frank: Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other’s feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders in the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other’s inner self.

Facilitator: When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah. This commitment  to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator for  enhancing their partner’s spiritual  development. In essence, the couple facilitates their family’s commitment to Allah and His Deen.

Islamic Banking: Sanusi urges stakeholders to submit to principles of Islamic transaction

THE success or otherwise of the Islamic banking system has been said to be dependent on the sincerity and truthfulness of everybody involved in its operation.

The Central Bank Governor, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi made this known yesterday at the annual conference of the Muslim Students’ Society of Nigeria, Lagos State Area Unit, held at Adeyemi Bero Hall, Alausa Secretariat, Ikeja-Lagos.

Mallam Sanusi who was represented by his Special Assistant on Non-Interest Banking and a member of Technical Committee of Islamic Financial Services Board of Malaysia, Dr. Bashi Aliyu Umar urged all stakeholders especially Muslims to submit themselves to all the principles of Islamic transactions.

Reiterating the fact that Islamic banking is the best alternative to western banking which is now failing us, he reminded the audience that Islamic banking is all about social justice which many non-Muslims are now embracing through their call for zero-interest banking.

“The exchange of property and all transactions are very sacrosanct in Islam and believers are expected to fulfill their contract agreement. There is also the principle of Risk-Sharing and you cannot exploit the misfortune of others to make profit but rather, they must be assisted.”

Etiquettes with Muharram (2)

By Haruna Razaq

THEREUPON the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: When the next year comes, God willing, we would observe fast on the 9th. But the Messenger of Allah (SAW) died before the advent of the next year. (Sahih Muslim 6/2528)

These are some of the authentic sayings and compilation of scholars such as Bukhari, Muslim, Saalih al-Munajjid etc. concerning the month of Muharram. But, unfortunately after the prophet, a lot of customs and practices which lack authentic proof from shariah have been attached to the month of Muharram in Muslim world. Sadly, this customs and practices do cause many Muslim to violate the sanctity of the month yearly.

Fabricated customs and practices: Some of the fabricated customs and practices in the month of Muharram include the following:

Believing that Ashura is a day to openly express grief and that means no shower, no clean clothes, no grooming, and no saying Salam on Ashura etc. Celebrating Ashura with parts of sacrificial animal of ‘idul adha, making a kind of light and all unIslamic celebration including Kayo-kayo festival that was formally attributed with Islam but has now been infiltrated with unIslamic practices such as music by fuji musician, dancing, taking of alcohol etc. all in the name of Kayo-kayo festival.

From the foregoing a Muslim is expected to keep the sanctity of the month of Muharram by carrying out the dictates of Shariah appropriately and moving away from what is forbidden including fabricated customs and practices that lack authentic proof from shariah.

We ask Allah to make us followers of the Sunnah of His Noble Prophet, to make us live in Islam and die in a state of Mumeen. May He help us to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.