By Dele Sobowale

“I told you so, I told you so! Is the croak of a true Job’s comforter”.
Anthony Trollope, 1815-1882 in Barchester Towers.

Two months ago, writing about another media tsunami, it was predicted that, with the elections over, government officials would soon invade media houses to raid them for “Media Advisers” and Commissioners. The raid is not over yet. But it has captured two of the best.

Incidentally, Two of the Best was my own advertising creation in 1982 when, as Marketing Manager for North Brewery Limited, Kano, I wanted to run a joint advertisement for our two brands – highly successful Double Crown lager beer and failing Power Stout. I thought it would be possible to obtain some synergy by borrowing from the success of the beer to aid the stout. It turned out to be of limited value. Guinness stout was too powerful to be dislodged. Now the politicians have taken two of our best in the media.

Which two, you ask? First was Loius Odion, the former Managing Director of National Life. The second was Dr. Reuben Abati, former Chairman of the Editorial Board, CEB, of The Guardian. They are in my opinion two of the best columnists anywhere in the world. I cannot resist reading any article written by the duo. In fact, it was in appreciation for Odion’s talents that I voluntarily offered to contribute to National Life on Sunday free.

Abati, as CEB of his paper might not have the clout; that was why the same offer was never made. But, one thing is certain, Nigerian book writers will have to find another book reviewer in a hurry because the ever-present man at book launches has gone from the “Fourth Estate of the Realm” to the “First” – a sort of reversal of Singapore’s historical journey “From Third to First”. For me The Guardian has lost one-quarter of its appeal on Sundays because I read Abati, Olumhese, the lead story and the rest in that order. I hope Sonala will not soon join the Class of 2011.

I sincerely wish them the best of luck even as the text messages, telephone calls from and private conversations with those who feel “betrayed” make the transition a perilous journey for them. My advice to them is to accept the fact that they can no longer speak freely; neither can they always tell the truth. Government spokespersons are echoes not independent voices. They should also be aware of the “failure” rate. By failure, I mean the chances that their reputations will be enhanced by their current jobs. They only need to turn around and look at what happened to the Class of 2007.

Some of our members (names withheld), National Association of Pen-Pushers, NAPP, who transformed (that is the current lingo in Nigeria) from “Fourth to First” in 2007 are back with us. It is akin to relocating from a slum to a palace and back again. I wonder why they do it. If I ever leave this page, it will be for ever. Again, the avalanche of text messages, phone calls and conversations about the returnees prove conclusively that the reading public, if not the government, take columnists serious. As one 77-year-old man told me, “Dele we depend on you people to help tell the truth to power and we might have nothing to give you, but we pray for you. So, when you cross over, it is a disappointment”. Ah! For, perhaps, the second time in my life, I was speechless for more than five minutes. Then, when I recovered my composure, I told our admirer-accuser that not everyone will turn out to be a failure. Some might actually succeed, although, I cannot think of anyone, since the Class of 1999 to 2007 whose reputation with the reading public had been enhanced by their appointments. The fault, I argued, is seldom that of the columnist-turned-spokesperson. The transition is always one from an environment where “facts are sacred” to one where facts are not allowed to get in the way of propaganda.

In a Parliamentary system, the Prime Minister has to go and tell his own lies openly in parliament; in a Presidential framework, he hires dissemblers to do the dirty job for him. Ditto the governors. So, I don’t totally blame our NAPP members; there is job to do and somebody must do it – even at a steep price to one’s reputation.

Welcome back, whoever you are. But, don’t expect to reclaim the credibility you once enjoyed. That is the price to pay for transient residency in the First Estate.

MINIMUM WAGE: FROM COMRADES TO COMEDIANS 10-7-2011
“A clown is like a man sitting on a throne of ice wondering when it will all melt away”.
Red Skelton, American Comedian, c1971.

(VANGUARD BOOK OF QUOTATIONS, p29).

Until Comrade Adams Oshiomhole departed for the First Estate, taking his size 60 shoes with him, presidents of the Nigeria Labour Congress, NLC, and other unions were feared by governments and the private sector. From the time of the late Pa Michael Imoudu, the “giant” from Oke-Ora, in Edo State, to Adams, when Labour sneezed, employers caught cold. Everybody knew their names. Then they were, rightly, called, comrades.

Today, Nigerian labour is in the hands of people who should, just as rightly, be called comedians. In those halcyon days when labour leaders represented the workers, nationwide, and where they placed the national interest first, they were highly regarded. Few people even know the name of the current leaders at national or state levels.

Last week, out of curiousity, I asked over 150 people to give the name of  NLC President. Less than 20 got it right. Some even think that Oshiomhole is still doubling as NLC President and Edo State governor! That tells you what happens when you replace “something” with “nothing”. The man who wants to lead us out (perhaps to the National Theatre for a “Crak-ur-ribs” show) on a three-day warning strike, to be followed by an indefinite strike, is first of all leading a house of clowns divided against itself.

A few weeks before the expiration date of the deadline to governments to pay the N18,000 minimum wage or face a general strike, the jesters in Ondo State agreed to accept N14,000 on the grounds that the state cannot afford to pay what the law had stipulated.

To understand the meaning of this foolery you must also realise that Ondo State, of all the states in the South-West is the only one classified among oil-producing states. It now ranks seventh in revenue allocation from the Federation account.

Only Lagos State collects more. Its monthly allocation is 30  per cent higher than that of Oyo, 39 per cent that of Ogun, 47 per cent that of Osun and almost 65 per cent more than that of Ekiti which ranks 33  on the League of States. What the comedians in Ondo failed to realise was the fact that by that agreement they have sealed the fate of workers in almost every state of the Federation. Every governor can now claim that “If Ondo cannot pay, how can you expect us to pay?”

Commonsense dictates that before the President of NLC and the national executives declare a strike (which is war by other means) that they would first of all close their ranks. Comrade ‘What-ever-his- name-is’ must be the first general to want to go to war with mutiny in the ranks of his troops! Yet, he cannot, and must not, fail.

Because if he fails to gain overwhelming support for the strike at the first instance, the Minimum Wage Bill would no longer be worth the paper on which it was written. Employers of labour in the public and private sectors will move to violate it at will, in full confidence that the NLC has become a toothless bull dog.  If the humorists at NLC want to know the truth, they can start with this. No government, Federal, State or Local Government budgeted for N18,000 in their 2011 budgets prepared last year fourth quarter. That is why they can’t pay this year. That is the truth. All else is mutual deception. Mark the date above.

POSER: Since NLC is asking for 150 per cent increase in the wages of public sector workers, is it also fighting for the same rise in the private sector, including the Indian companies notorious for short-changing Nigerians?