By Debbie Ogunjobi

Just a week ago, I sat down in the company of a few people to a robust argument about the nature of the new generation that we are parents to. In the past couple of weeks my mind has been fully focussed on the parenting skills of my generation and I would not be fair if I didn’t present another valid argument which I will admit makes me a lot more comfortable.

The crux of the matter was the fear that our privileged children may not be prepared for the challenges of surviving the real world and I was happy to hear the robust defence of a 14-year-old and another parent. The issue I had not taken into context was the nature of the world the new generation had to survive as against the nature of the children.

“Auntie, you are right, that I cant survive in your world but I don’t live in your world; I can survive in mine”.

You can rightly understand my confusion that we inhabited different worlds and this young person opened my eyes to a whole new one. Just like most of us thought our parents were over strict and rather ancient; the law of Karma is seen in active play and I am a bit appalled to be described as overstrict and ancient.

Our children love us just as we loved our parents, the real sticking point between the generations is the value system. I was brought up to know the rudimentary skills of domestication and adaptability. I can cook, clean and survive on whatever resources are available in whatever situation i find myself and I was surprised to find this brilliant teenager asserting the same. At this juncture, her mom interjected with a loud “You can’t cook” and her daughter’s reply started a mind-shift in my psyche that caused me to sit up and pay better attention.

“No, mom, I cant cook what you cook but I don’t really like those things, I can make all the things I like.”

The young lady simply did not understand the value her mom and the rest of us place on doing things in a particular way when those same things can be achieved with little effort at no cost to her where possible. Just like me, the mom in question was intent on making traditional dishes, cooking the good old fashioned way, cleaning the good old fashioned way and just generally teaching and passing down what she had been taught. I sat down in rapt attention as I listened to her tell me that she would rather stir fry vegetables and peppers with oil, than cook a pot of stew she didn’t want to eat or even cook the vegetable soups we consider a staple for nutrition she just tossed a quick salad and was happy.

She considered herself very domesticated in a different way. She couldn’t understand the logic of scrubbing the bath tub all covered in grime when there were cleaners that could be sprayed on and rinsed off with little or no sweat.

“ Auntie have you considered that you are living in a harder world by choice when it is so much simpler and easier?”

This question took me by surprise and as young as my own children are, I think they just may agree with her. I have a timetable for food and chores in the house and I believe it keeps the household running smoothly but getting everyone to embrace all the food choices is a daily challenge. I believe that children should have a wide variety of foods to have a balanced nutrition but getting traditional dishes that requires swallowing and soups is not the most welcome thing. Listening to this young lady, I began to think about introducing salads and maybe other vegetables that may be more acceptable to the kids.

“Your generation is unfair to us and I didn’t like your column last week, ma.” I welcome criticism and believe everyone has a right to their opinion but I was curious to hear why. In her view, I was guilty of convicting people for the luck of privilege.

“I am sorry you had it rough growing up but my parents are richer than yours were and I shouldn’t be labelled useless because I take advantage of the opportunities and perks at my disposal. My parents say I have the life you would all have loved to have yet they want to make me feel guilty and even punish me for it.”

I would be a hypocrite if I say I am fully convinced of her arguments but I am not so ancient that I can’t appreciate the differences in my culture and the youth culture of the day. I was surprised at a young person who could present a case that was as concise as it was philosophical and though I didn’t admit it to her face, my generation, for the most part, is a lot more affluent than that of my parents, so, there are a lot more privileges that come for our children!! Does that make them entitled and useless? Useless? Definitely not!! Entitled? Yes; a child does have the rights to the affluence and influence of his or her parents. The new generation of children live in a different world and circumstance but I pray we have helped as parents to prepare them for it.