By Debbie Ogunjobi
The New Year is as good a time as any to make sweeping changes and while I really don’t have a resolution as such, there are noticeable changes that seem to be emerging from me rather involuntarily. I found myself changing in my attitude and disposition last year and it seems inevitable to embrace that change.

A long time ago, I used to be a people pleaser, people walked all over me and I was for all intents and purposes a doormat! As I grew up and mature, something in me changed and I started standing up for myself.

That change was reinforced when I discovered the Desiderata; an ancient piece of writing by Max Ehrmann. It is one of the most beautiful writings that can validate a person and it applies to everyone.

As I grew older, I also discovered the book of Proverbs in the Bible and my family and friends can normally tell when I have read it again as I become withdrawn and very guarded. The older I get, the more unwilling I become to settle for less. While I don’t go through life with a self-indulgent attitude, I am developing a sense of entitlement to respect and consideration.

That sense is borne out of a need to get something that I give generously to everyone; at this stage I simply am unable to swallow the bile of inconsideration and disrespect.

This will be the year not to suffer fools! I don’t think we will ever get more hours in the day and the 24 we have been blessed with should be spent meaningfully! I can’t actually recall when this new steely part of me developed, but I noticed it a few months back.

I had gone for a meeting of my alumni and I had an out of body experience watching myself interact with people. It had been a tiring day, and I really didn’t want to socialise but I had made the effort because I promised I would come weeks before.

I was introduced to someone I didn’t remember and while I was polite, I didn’t do what I normally would have done which would have been to get dragged into a question and answer session which would then have ended up in me making a commitment to do something that would have made me uncomfortable.

In that particular instance, the lady in question looked up to me and was actually hoping I would be her guarantor for a job with a company I was familiar with. I had calmly declined all entreaties from all present, though some considered it an act of snobbery and wickedness, I considered it a fruit of wisdom.

I graduated from secondary decades ago and there was no way I was going to stand as guarantor for a girl I don’t even remember from way back then. I had done similar favours in the past when I let people corner me into being obligated to commit my name to things and people I really couldn’t vouch for; the result was a lot of angst. Well, this year, not only will I not suffer fools, I will not be one.

Being less than I am to make others feel comfortable is a form of hypocrisy that is neither humble or sensible. The effort of often stooping just to gain acceptance is seriously getting on my last nerve! It has taken years of gains and pains to be the person I am now.

I am old enough to have developed values that serve me and my family well, so being derided by busybodies and interferers is no longer acceptable.

I respect the right of everyone to believe whatever suits them and I expect no less in any interaction. Being kind is the only way I know to exist, but this year I am extending that kindness to myself also. I hate that feeling that comes when people deride, humiliate and hurt others just because they can; so enough!!!.
While I can’t legislate kindness as a compulsory way of life I can make sure unkind people have no place in my life in any way or form.

I affirm my right to make my choices and exist to the best of my ability; I hope everyone else affirms same in their lives. I end with one of my favourite quotes by Marianne Williamson. It was used by Nelson Mandela in his inauguration speech in 1994, it continues to bless me and I hope it blesses you all.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”