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I almost married a loser!

Hello Jerome. My name is Victoria and I am an ardent reader of your column. Permit me to ask where you have been for weeks. I was particularly touched by your piece: “Are you in love with a Loser?”, because I was, until recently, in a relationship with a loser; a guy who tried to break me in every possible way. Thanks to God, my mom’s counsel, and my courage that helped me to break free from it amidst pains and heartbreak.

Right now, I am having the best time of my life devoid of pain and worry. Your article reminded me, with nostalgia, of my ordeal in the recent past and how enslaving and destructive that sort of relationship can be in one’s life. In fact, I regard my breakthrough a miracle, and that is why I commend you and your efforts at redirecting the zest of youths at sustaining only positive and healthy relationships while discarding “disasters to happen” relationships like hot charcoals.

Had it not been for my mother’s counsel and God’s grace, I don’t know what would have become of me now, (probably married to him now and living a life of eternal regret like most women married to such losers are doing today). Looking back, he possessed all the character traits you enumerated and even more, gush! I feel so disgusted with myself for having ever gotten involved in such a relationship, even though I am healed of the trauma I passed through then. But like the Bible emphasizes the importance of wise counsel in life’s decisions, I suggest that as a relationship coach, you should hammer it hard into the ears of ladies in this bottomless pit to do themselves a favour by just letting go of such relationship fast before it cost them their own heads. Only in the presence of wise counsel and a listening ear are purposes established.

Thank you very much, Jerome.

Thank you for reading my articles Victoria. I guess your name “VICTORIA” says it all. I pray for you that you will always move from victory to triumphs in your life. Amen.

We are having problems with our men taking responsibility today, and as a result, ladies who are interested in finding and having good men in their lives are finding it to be the task of their lives. I think the big question today should be: “How can we build and have a community of men who are really ready to answer their call from God to BE THE MAN”?

For us to make progress here, I believe all hands have to be on deck, and when I say all hands on deck, I mean everyone, home, family, institutions, places of worship, government, non-governmental organizations etc., because we are dealing with “the age of the irresponsible man”; a man who refuses to accept himself and all the responsibilities that goes with being a man.

Every home, today, seems to have one young man or old man or father, uncle, brother, brother in-law that is doing nothing at this time; not because there is nothing to do but because he is lazy and irresponsible. So, as a lady, before you blame your boyfriend, when was the last time you reprimanded your own brother etc.

Fathers, before you reprimand your son, when was the last time you put money down for up keep at home. It’s very unfortunate that you are the only man that that boy has grown to see as a mentor.

It has become so bad, these days, that most ladies who introduce their boyfriends can’t say precisely what these guys are doing as a profession, and by the time they start coining names of a profession that adds no value to living, you are forced to say: “Okay, okay Ferdinand, it is a pleasure meeting you, and I hope you have a nice day”.

It is even worse when it is your own blood sister that brings such a nonentity home as a future husband. But you see, when a lady is desperate for marriage, believe me anything goes. And, a lot of never-do-wells who call themselves “men”, take advantage of that.

How can you bring home to us a man who is 35 years and you can’t tell us precisely what he does, not to talk of the fool at 40 that some of you ladies bring home, who is obviously a fool forever.

You meet a disaster waiting to happen, and then you put your head and expect your whole being not to be bombed like the Independence Day bomb blasts.

No wonder some cool ladies we use to know went off circulation after they got married, because they are now living with the hell of a wrong choice. How could you be preparing for your wedding and hide it from the whole world that you are the one paying for everything even his wedding suit; that you are about to get imprisoned, thinking it’s marriage.

Do you know how many women make this mistake every day? Why do you want to join this number of increasing miserable women who were also warned, but didn’t listen before they entered their doom. I weep for these women who have ‘projects’ as husbands at home.

I believe we can stop this “holocaust of love” that makes romantic relationships or marriage some kind of menstrual pain that some women pass through because it seems natural. Well, I have got news for you what most couples have been experiencing (women taking on the roles of men, with men doing nothing at all) in their marriages these days is unnatural and we can stop it now before we breed a whole generation of dysfunctional children.


· Stop dating men who ask you to send them phone credits.

· Stop dating men who never have money and you always have to pay when you go out.

· Stop dating men who always borrow money from you, 95% of them won’t pay back.

· Stop dating men who don’t have jobs or credible means of livelihood.

· Stop planning marriage with men who can’t contribute anything to the wedding preparations.

· Stop dating men who are violent or can’t control their temper except you are a psychiatrist.

· Stop dating men who tell you to wait until their girlfriend leaves and then you can be No. 1.

· Stop dating men who never like you to know where they live or meet anyone in their family.

· Stop dating men who just want you for sex.

· Stop dating married men; 90% of African men won’t leave their wives for you.

· Stop dating men who are available but not suitable.

Most match making organizations, today, want to push the available men to you, but you need to ask yourself if he is really suitable for you. If you have waited this long, then why end up with a bomb blast?

Parents, stop forcing your “of age” daughters to get married at all cost so you can save your face in the society.

Fathers, inquire very well about a future son in-law before you agree to hand over your daughter to him at the altar so you won’t have led her like a lamb to the slaughter, like so many fathers have done just because they will not make investigations.

Fathers and mothers, make your older daughters who are still single very comfortable at home; become their friends and confidants.

Brothers and sisters of matured, single ladies, include them in your outings, send them gifts to show how much they are appreciated.

Places of worship, plan get-aways that take stress off your matured singles and social dates that help them to interact in a sincere atmosphere of God’s love.

When we do these things, I believe there will be no more hiding place for some of our lazy, fraudulent brothers, uncles, sons and fathers, and they will be forced to find something to do with their lives. We must stop this “holocaust of love” going on.

For counselling on marriage, relationships and career, you can reach Jerome on +234-8037194335/+234-8053537663 or BB pin 2219041E. Add Jerome on FACEBOOK as Jerome Onipede or just visit:


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