By Donu Kogbara

LAST week, I bitterly complained about malicious hypocrites who have hurt me by pretending to like me while they are covertly sabotaging me; and I told you:  That I have asked two real friends (Mrs. Toru Ofili and Mrs. Tumini Bristol, to be precise) to ban these dangerous fake friends from my funeral if their envious evil  machinations drive me to an early grave. That Toru and Tumini have promised to honour my wishes but would prefer me to quit being so morbidly vindictive…and to forget about trying to embarrass my enemies from the grave.

Several Vanguard readers sent emails or text messages when they read about this difference of opinion. Here are some of the responses I received:

Patrick in Bori:
Dear Aunty, I have discussed your article with a lot of Ogoni youths and I hope it will cheer you up to hear that we all sympathise and want to help. The people who have hurt you deserve utmost contempt. But it seems rather pointless to bother with dealing with them after death. Why not name and shame them NOW while you are still alive and kicking, so they know that showing up at your funeral to shed crocodile tears will be a complete waste of time?

Ben Udechukwu  in  Aba <[email protected]>
I felt a cold chill as I read your piece on “Revenge beyond grave”. Though I believe so much in the gospel of Christ, I know it is so difficult to follow peace with all men. God may have created some people to be wicked and such people they deserve every horror they can get in return. However, I urge you not to let any person debase your mind by causing you to hate him or her. Forgive those fake friends of yours just because you cannot afford the luxury of giving them undeserved attention. Henceforth, be economical with your quantity and quality of friends. That way, you will attract only those deserving of your good nature.

Godwin Madubuko
<[email protected]>
Donu, I’ve seen the kindly eyes in your photograph and read  write-ups in which you have expressed compassion for humanity. And my instincts tell me that you have a pure heart and cannot hurt a fly, either now that you alive or when you are dead. My prayer is that you will outlive all those who did you wrong…and take your revenge on them here and not hereafter. Show them you can live above their pettiness. Build yourself to the highest height. When fake friends see that you can achieve in spite of their wickedness, they will bury their faces in the sands of shame. There will be no revenge sweeter than regarding the stones they haul at you as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.

Obaseki Stella <[email protected]>
When I read your piece in the Vanguard newspapers of Friday June 18, 2010, I was like “GO GIRL!” My support is not only borne out of empathy with your predicament and from having suffered similar fate.

Your friends – if they are truly your friends – must abide by your wishes. Hypocrites and pretenders should not be allowed to attend your funeral because you certainly won’t need their crocodile tears.

If I was to draw up a list like yours, mine would probably be longer. But I have my own way of dealing with enemies. I give them a long berth and pretend they don’t exist. Some people describe my attitude as snobbish. I see it as a survival strategy. That is the only way I know – short of throwing bang fisticuffs and engaging in verbal abuse. I prefer dealing with betrayers “here and now” rather than “hereafter”.

One good thing that comes from being “dealt with” by bad people is that you come out of the experience(s) wiser and stronger. You snap out of your naivete. To fulfil all righteousness you would want to “give them a second chance” and then “a third chance” and then you eventually realise what a fool you have been.

Your ‘revenge’ is to ban them from your funeral. Mine would be “…watch me get there without you – because GOD IS FOREVER ON THE THRONE”. I really don’t know why you want to wait till your demise to show them!

+2348034030321 Ife Oyedele
Donu, I really sympathise with your frustration. Unfortunately it seems there is not much you can do about those treacherous back-stabbing characters except to rise above their antics while you are on this side of the divide. Your two compassionate female pals will be so heartbroken – if you should leave so soon – that the funeral will be over before they remember your instruction!  Just enjoy your life while you still have it and deal with every situation as it arises, rather than carrying so much bitterness that can only destroy the bearer.


The Bible teaches us that all who come short of God’s glory are still forgiven. When Christ paid the supreme price on the cross, he said “Father forgive them for they do not know what they do”. There is no sin that is unforgivable to the true Christian. If you hold onto grudges, eternity may pass you by.

Responses to: [email protected] or to 0802 747 6458 (texts only). Please kindly note that unless you specifically request anonymity, your comments may  be published in Vanguard with your names and numbers or email addresses attached.

+234803308009  Lekan

I’m in total support of bouncing the back stabbers and contributors to one’s unhappiness from attending one’s funeral. I have also played with the idea of reading their names out loud before the commencement of proceedings. If they can all be shamed and bounced, I will be sure to rest in peace!


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