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How much can you tell your spouse?(3)


Who is your confidant? Is it a friend or your spouse? How much of your secrets can you share with your spouse?
Love, they say is about giving and sharing, which can only thrive where there is mutual trust, understanding and effective communication between the partners. So, who better can you share your secrets with other than the one you claim to love, cherish and share your body with? The one who is supposed to know you inside out.
However, this appears not to be the case with a lot of couples, young and old. In this narratives from some of our respondents, reasons, ranging from traditional to moral grounds were attributed as part of the barriers militating against sharing of secrets between partners. Beginning from this edition and as our special package for the holidays, you will be reading what these people had to say.

If you or someone you know of, have been through a similar experience, or you have an interesting story to share with us on this issue, please write and send your contributions/opinions to The human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or our e-mail address: we look forward to reading from you. Cheers!

For Prince, (46), a business man, there are certain important things one must not disclose to women, especially when it is personal. He explains:

You will deal with a woman as each day requires.

Any man who puts his life and livelihood in the hands of a woman does so at his own peril. It is not possible for you to discuss your family matters with your wife because most of the things they will say does not concern her in the first instance, and sometimes when they do, they are most likely not to be in her favour. By discussing whatever was said with her,  you will only be poisoning her mind against them.

If for instance, they do not really care about her, but do not show it to her, she will not know their feelings towards her, and on her own part, she will continue to treat them well. With time, they may change their views about her. But once you have told her that they do not like her, she too will be on her guard against them and before you know it, they are throwing missiles at each other and on your account too.

Again, there are some embarrassing events or things that happen in the family you can’t go about discussing with your wife. Supposing your grandmother is a mad woman on the loose somewhere in your village, do you go bragging about it to a woman or man you intend to get married to? No! You can’t do that unless the situation becomes unmanageable.

So, naturally, things that can be used against you when the tune of the music changes are not things you are likely to discuss with your spouse.

The wish of every couple is to live happily ever after, but it is not all the time that the story ends happily ever after. So, whatever you do, you must leave room for that day when you may have some differences. There are some men who would not even inform their wives when they acquire properties or when constructing a house or delving into high profile businesses or something important.

A friend once told me that his wife only knows about his first house, the other two are his secret, his reason being that she may start feeling too comfortable with her self. Whatever that means, I do not understand nor buy the idea.

However, I will not discuss my children with my wife. I have four children from my first marriage and they all live with us, but I not discuss their education and general well being or my plans for them with my wife.

Her duty is towards my other children, her children. I deal with them all on different levels. I know what women can get up to. That is why I will not allow my wife to know my plans for my children, it’s not her business at all.

Another thing I do not tell my wife about is my finances. I am a business man and I thank God that I am doing fine. It is natural that my wife must enjoy from my sweat, but if you have a woman like my wife, you will think twice about it.

My wife is always broke, no matter how much she has on her. A long time ago, I stopped bringing home money that I know I can not part with. And when I do, I keep it in the booth of the car, that way, she does not have access to it even if the driver informs her that I collected some money.

She has a good business. She sells lace fabrics. But whenever she is traveling, I have to raise more money for the trip because she will always complain that she does not have enough money, people are owing her so, so amount. And when she comes back, be sure that the first outing she has, she’s putting on a new set of gold she bought from the trip.

When a woman decides to work on you, there is absolutely nothing you can do to resist her, unless she is not your wife or you do not love her. Women are special creatures of God, and because of their peculiarity, you have to treat or deal with them with a little bit of caution.

Tai, (42), Civil Servant, says it’s not possible not to have secrets. His contribution:

The question on how much can I tell my partner is a very wide one in the sense that my opening up to her on issues depend largely on the nature of such matters. As far as  I am  concerned, the matters I can fully discuss with my partner about, are issues such as my job (salary, problems from time to time,  prospects and otherwise, etc.) my health and probably academic pursuits.

But I can never tell her about my escapades with girls outside because like any other woman, she won’t tolerate that and there will be trouble. Moreover, there is no way one would, if one were to be a member of a secret society, because it is part of the oath not to disclose such vital information (though I am  not a member of any).

Then my extended family matters.

There is a limit to what I can tell her, at least, on certain issues that concerns the extended family matters which everyone must treasure as strictly family secret. Again, there is a great limit to what I can tell my wife about my friends, especially secrets kept with me in confidence.

You know women are very funny, once they have such secrets in their possession, they will naturally judge and evaluate such friends by that report. They can even show it in their treatment and behaviors towards the people.

On a final note, most times, I don’t tell my wife about the true sum of money I have at hand or in the bank in order for me to be able to plan well for the money.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.