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Can love be kept alive and hot forever?

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
With all these relationship issues you keep addressing in your column, one gets the impression that after a few years, and with the average couple getting used to each other’s bodies, romance could fly out of the window. Yet there are couples who’ve sustained the love in their relationships for decades. How do they do it? I’m not married yet, but when I do, I pray that it would last the distance.
By E-mail

Dear Kenke,
No one has the blue-print for a happy-ever-after relationship, but there are guide-lines I have picked up along the line that could help. One of them is to take your time. The foundations for a lasting love life are set at the start of your relationship. Take time to get to know your partner physically. Make it a mission to find new erogenous zones and give them pleasure in new ways. Try new things.

Don’t get lazy. Sex can get into a rut, so make a pledge to try something new every month, check out new sexual positions, choose a different pattern of foreplay or bring some sex toys into the bedroom. Keep it fun. Bring a sense of humour into the bedroom. Play games, explore your fantasies and role-play, keep a spirit of adventure.

Make time. All this playing around requires time, so give it the space it deserves. Don’t wait for just before you fall asleep -treat yourself to a full evening in bed.

Respect each other. There will be time when one person wants sex less than their partner. This can be frustrating if you’re losing out but its important to respect your partners view and not to put them under too much pressure. Stress lowers libido, so when problems get back to normal, so will your sex life.

Keep intimate. Even during times of stress, when you’re not having sex, it’s important to stay intimate. Show your love and commitment through hugs, cuddles and getting close. Share the hard times – secrets can breed resentment. Support one another.

Adapt. As you grow older together, adapt your sex life to suit changes in your home or work life. Children or ill health can impact on a relationship but you can get through it with a bit of imagination.    f

Temptation. If you find your eye wandering, remember the grass may appear greener elsewhere but usually isn’t.

His dad seduced me!

Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend of, three years finished with me and I was devastated. A few months after we split, I went to  his flat to remove the rest of my belongings but he wasn’t around. His dad also lives on the premises and I popped in to see him with the hope of asking my ex to leave my things with him so I could pick them up at a future date.

He wanted to know why we split up and I told him. The two of us have always got on well.

So when he offered me comfort and booze, I didn’t refuse. One thing led to the other and we had sex. My ex had always complained that his dad was too friendly with me. Althouqh we had notdone anything until that fateful day. I know he’ll never forgive me when he finds out what happened as I haven’t rule out our getting back together.
By E-mail

Dear Doyin
Your ex would have to find our about this indiscretion of yours and if he did, be rest assured he would never forgive you. You’ve been clearly out of order. Having a one – off on the rebound is understandable, but not with your ex’s father! But does it matter that he might not forgive you?

Because if he really were that important to you, you would have behaved yourself around his father. Since neither you nor the randy father of your ex are prepared to come clear, there is no chance of your ex finding out. So move on and make a mental note not to let your lust run away with you again.


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