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Sex is no longer fun for us

BY Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
I’ve been with my partner now for a couple of years. Initially, sex was great and spontaneous. We couldn’t keep our hands away from each other. Recently, however, love-making doesn’t turn me on as it used to. This is quite frustrating for both of us and I genuinely care for my partner.

We’re both in our late twenties and have strenuous jobs. Can we ever get the old feelings back or is this the end of romance?
By E-mail.

Dear Molly,
One thing you ought to realize is that the chemicals your body produces when you’re initially in lust love evaporate after about a year (scientific fact), so it is not possible to recreate that level of excitement. Instead, you need to create brand new thrills-and there are loads of things to do to help.

One common suggestion is the love jar. You’ll need some 20 pieces of pink paper 20 pieces of white-and an empty jar. Each of you writes 20 bedroom activities you’d like to participate in.

Pour some of your favourite drinks, dim the lights and put on a Barry White CD and start picking out the papers. Role reversal can also be explored. Whilst you’re at it, you could try odd locations around the house. That should keep you busy for a while!

My husband’s friend is sleeping with our daughter

Dear Bunmi,
My 21 years old daughter is in the university and we’ve always encouraged her to make friends from both sexes. Whilst cleaning her room recently, I saw a few complimentary cards belonging to one of my husband’s friends in one of her drawers. He scribbled on some and there are now proofs that he’s bought her a few things for her room at the university including 3 fridges and a telly.

Things my daughter had already collected money from us for. I find it disgusting that a man that calls on the family fairly regularly will be sleeping with a daughter of the house. It seems almost incestuous. How should I go about tackling our daughter?
By E-mail

Dear Justina,
Sad and betrayed you must be, but this is not a of incest. Rather, it is a case of your adult daughter being infatuated with a much older man. She is obviously fascinated by receiving the attention of a grown man. And she’s undoubtedly on his mind, hence the expensive gifts.

You can’t rule out her having sex. So you have to urgently discuss contraceptive with her no matter how unpalatable you find it. Be rest assured though that sooner or later, this girl-man relationship will fizzle out.

Relationship with huge age gaps may be exciting, but the mixture of fantasy and idealism which they depend on his seldom sustainable. Whatever you do, don’t ask her to stop or that might spur her on.

Don’t even let the old lecher twinge on to the fact that you know what he’s up to- you were not meant to find out.

My girl’s demand is wearing me out

Dear Bunmi,
My current girlfriend’s sexual appetite is amazing. She want it every day sometimes twice, and. she’s wearing me out so much that I’ve started with a quickie either and she wants to do all sorts of weird and wonderful things in bed. After slugging out in the office, 1 just don’t feel like acrobatic sex.

It was refreshing having uninhibited sex when we first met and ! happily encouraged it. But since then, I’ve got a new and much challenging job. I’m tired out when I get home. If 1 say no, she gets annoyed and I am afraid that she will find someone else to satisfy her, if I don’t play ball. What should I do?
By E_mail.

Dear Joshua.
Have a talk with her on how you feel and try to strike a compromise. For instance, tet her say what she wants to do in bed three nights a week, and you get to choose for the other three. Then on Sunday, you both go for what you could come up with! If she can’t accept that, it might be better to re_think your relationship. Loving relationships are about other things besides sex and if sex is all she wants, you’re better off without her.

Do you think he gives me herpes?

Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend for over a year was so unreliable that I called off the relationship. It was after we split up that I heard the rumour that most of his ex complained of being infected by him. I was so scared that I went for a medical check-up and the doctor told me I had herpes,

He gave me some medicine and antibacterial cream but I was too embarrassed to ask him any question because I don’t even know what herpes is all about! Will it go away after my treatment?

Dear Gbemi.
Herpes is a virus like the one that causes cold sores. It’s caused by having sex with someone who has the problem or even by having oral sex with someone who has cold sores. There are often no obvious symptoms, so you did very well to have a check-up.

The real problem is the fact that herpes is contagious — sometimes you don’t even have any symptoms. And the virus is with you for life once you’ve contracted it. So you need to get your partner to always use a condom during sex — unless he already has the condition. All that said, herpes is easily treatable, if you do get the symptoms, your doctor can give you tablets or creams and the outbreaks will get milder as you get older.


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