By Yetunde Arebi
HI, It is said that what you donâ€™t know cant hurt you. So, most women love to turn a blind eye to the activities of their men, even when the obvious signs that they are playing around are glaring. Many are even of the opinion that as long as these other women know the territorial boundaries, there can be no problem.
Sadly, many men are also being forced by prevailing global economic and social situations to follow these paths.
But is love or relationship worth preserving when partners are forced to look the other way just to maintain the status quo and not rock the boat, while the other goes about enjoying the licence offered by his/her sex and libido, while endangering the lives of their partners and family members?
Is it not enough emotional and psychological trauma to discover that a spouseÂ is dating someone else?
Naturally, one feels hurt, spited, betrayed and cheated. Oftentimes, insecurity and helplessness creeps in, and one begins to wonder for how long one has been deceived to believe in a deceitful partner.
To make matters worse, is the manner with which these discoveries are made. Some are so callous such that the chain of trust is broken and may never be repaired, the relationship ending abruptly.
For those who decide to remain in the murky waters, the seeds of doubt, already sowed, can only lead to a life of suspicion and webs of lies. Some respondents share their experiences with us..
Please, send your contributions/views and opinions on this issue to The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: [email protected] cheers!!
Efe is 24, an undergraduate and engaged to Emeka 28, a yuppie business man.I was mad with anger, I felt like killing him. How could he do such a thing to me. I go to school, try to stayÂ faithful to him only for him to be messing around with some dirty girls in Lagos.
I decided it was going to be real war between us when I got home that night. Of course he too was already waiting for me demanding to know where I went and why I didnâ€™t wait for the doctor.
We shouted at each other. I demanded to know why I must see a doctor. I confronted him with the fact that I knew he had gonorrhea. He denied it, insisting it was only an infection.
By Friday evening, I was down with fever, probably as a result of the depression or symptoms of the disease, I really canâ€™t tell.
I was forced to go with him to the hospital where I was given some injections and dozens of drugs. After I left the room, Emeka and the doctor spent almost an hour talking while I waited outside.
I was seething with anger. To make matters worse, he was all over me in the night again, insisted that we were already on medication and would be cured of our infection together, so there was nothing to worry about.
I turned him down though.
Since he has refused to confess his sins, 1 have given him an ultimatum. When Lolade came to visit me on Sunday, I showed her the drugs which she identified as some special kind of antibiotics.
She advised that I complete the dosage and we abstain from love making. Iâ€™m convinced that Emeka will continue with his escapades once I go back to school. However I donâ€™t know exactly what to do about it.
My friend has advised that I should insist on using theÂ condom anytime we want to make love since we are not ready to start a family yet anyway.
Judith, (26) works at the Treasury Department of A Finance House. A few months ago, she could not visit her boyfriend Henry, a Banker, for a whole week because another girl was visiting. Her story:
â€œI know that God is always with me and will protect me from evil. That fateful day, I had told my parents I would not be coming home, but will be staying with one of my Aunts who was having a party.
Of course it was a lie, I intended to spend the night with henry, then go home in the morning. We both reside in Ikeja, just a stone throw from each other, thus, we were seeing each other every day.
However, on getting to his apartment that evening, he was not in and so also was his sister. I did not feel comfortable somehow, I felt quiet uneasy, so instead of waiting for him like I would have done,Â I locked up, put the key back under the door mat and went home.
Funny enough, I didnâ€™t leave any of the things (food) I had packed from my Auntyâ€™s party. I mean, it was just unlike me.
Early the next morning, Henry came over to my pace looking quiet uneasy. He was on his annual leave, so, I wasnâ€™t surprised to see him. But when he sat me down and said he had something important to tell me, I knew something was wrong. He began telling me how wonderful our relationship had been since we started seven months ago.
He said he had been happy because its been having positive effects on him. My heart started to beat faster than normal. I thought he was going to propose to me. I wouldnâ€™t have been surprised since we virtually live in each other homes. Then he told me â€œshe has comeâ€.
I didnâ€™t need to ask whom, because I already knew. It was Shade, his girlfriend who lives in Kano. I have seen some letters written by her and, of course, heâ€™d told me about her too.
He said she just burst in on him and he met her at home, when he came back around 7.30pm the previous night. He pleaded that I bear with him so he could handle the matter in his own way.
That he would not want to end their relationship on a bad note for future purposes. He said Shade will be staying over for a week and in the period, I was to keep away from the flat.
I was really pissed off. I asked him what he expected me to do in the meantime. He told me to behave myself and act maturely, after all, we live in Lagos together.
Moreover, Shade knows about me as my things and photographs were all over the apartment. He insisted that he just wanted to settle the matter by himself and didnâ€™t want me involved.
We spent the whole day together. It was a Monday, and he went back home around 10pm So was the pattern of our lives for the next four days.
He will come in the morning and pick me, and we willÂ spend the whole day together. However, he will always go back home to sleep of course, and I will worry myself sick over what they might be doing together in the middle of the night.
Then on Friday morning, he said we were going to the flat. At first, I didnâ€™t want to go, but when he insisted, I gave in.
On getting there, I saw Shadeâ€™s things packed at a corner in his bedroom but she was no where to be found. Then he told me that she had not come home for the past two days. According to him,Â she was visiting her sister and some friends.
We stayed in the house that day and in the evening, I prepared to go back home. That was when I received another shock.