By Debbie Olujobi
Man in the mirror is one of the most philosophical songs by Michael Jackson. It asks the listener to take an inward look at their own reflection and explore their minds for answers. To begin the process of changing the world by changing themselves.

I fully subscribe to the view and I agree that making the world a better place starts one person at a time but I am also certain that looking at the mirror is not going to reveal beauty and perfection; nothing we see will be the trigger that causes the change that can change the world.

It is possible that some people may see all glory and perfection but they will form a little percentage of humanity, the rest of us will find ourselves inadequate and ill equipped to fix the world. I can list all the things that are wrong with my face in a heartbeat and I tend to cringe when I look at my photos.

Looking inside is not much different as I most likely will see a soul clinging to grace to function; I will be reminded of all my shortcomings and every failure. The reflection I crave is not the one from the mirror it’s the one that validates me from the eyes of a loved one; that would be the trigger to live up to their expectations and be better.

Social media groups have succeeded in doing what most therapists can’t achieve on a mass scale. They are getting people to talk and connect on issues that affect them. People are finding support and validation from far and near and it’s no wonder it has become a multi-billion dollar industry.

For all the spiritual enlightenment and maturity we achieve we still need validation. We need the confirmation from others that we are worthwhile, worth loving and relevant. Social media has its pitfalls and many crimes and evil originate from it but in the world we live in currently; it is the platform of expression and validation. Everyone has something to say and they say it to the world at the press of a few buttons.

We are connecting to people all over the world and discovering that our lives mirror theirs and that goes a long way in making us feel less alone.

The jury is out on the positive aspects of social media but it originated from the needs of people to connect. It wasn’t always so, I remember growing up; playing games and running around with my friends; those were great days.

We had our own community, we played card games and had just one or 2 television channels, so we spent more time outdoors than indoors.  That was years ago and the world has grown more insular and it seems friends are hard to come by or just too busy or far way.

Communication is limited and we are all so busy that we only have time for gadgets in place of human contact. I am connected to my family and friends through my messenger list and while it is not as fun as when we all lived and played together, it comes a close second.

We all change profiles, broadcast messages and wait for the nice or sometimes not so nice comments that follow; reflections by blackberry or twitter are welcomed when they are far away.

There is no price too high to pay for a sincere and kind word or just a look of approval from a loved one. Lately I have come to a place in my journey where I have given up on shutting out the world; it simply doesn’t work. I am a part of the world and it’s a part of me, I don’t want to need the approval of anyone and truthfully I don’t but it does feel nice! No one needs anyone else’s approval to survive; what we need is validation.

That we are loved no matter what and that even when our poor choices are unpopular they will continue to love us. I observed two siblings who encapsulated that validation last week and it’s an eye opener. The elder sister came in saying she looked terrible and truth be told we had all laughed at her dishevelled appearance but her younger brother promptly told us off for laughing at his beautiful sister.

“Don’t listen to them, you look beautiful, you always do”.

It was nice to see a boy of 9 defend his much older sister and reassure her. She turned to me and said how amazed she was by his eyes.

“He means it; he just doesn’t see anything other than beauty when he looks at me”.

I pondered that thought for quite a while and I discussed it with my nearest and dearest and we both concluded that there is no better reflection than the image captured in the eyes of a loved one. Reminds me of George Benson’s song  “In your eyes”.. Obviously not every reflection will be welcomed; I don’t suppose anyone would welcome a look of scorn or disgust but it would be an answer nonetheless; telling us where we stand. Our eyes are always asking questions that can only be answered by the reflections we see in the eyes of those who matter.