By Bunmi Sofola

SUDDENLY, health pages have turned into a  must-read portion of newspapers and journals. No self-respecting editor dares publish without feeding his readers on what to eat and do to make life worth living, and what items to give the wide berth if you don’t want to swell the coffers of your doctor. Lately, there’d been a deluge of advice on the merit of staying away from mobile phones. According to these ‘experts,’ mobile phones are dangerous to men because they lower men’s sperm count. “Nobody’s sperm count could persuade me to give up my mobile and shackle myself to the old wire and dial model,” protest Esther, a writer. “If the men are so worried, instead of thrusting their mobiles deep into their pockets, why don’t they take up handbags instead?

My phone nestles in my bag, accompanying me wherever I go, linking me to my friends, family and the world.”

The Vatican once threw its hat in the ring of anti-mobile users. During the Lenten period, it urged believers to give up sending text messages and use the phone! Words fail me at the importance of this message. Suffice it to say that public indignation had more than shown how unpopular this penance was!

The bra is another item that could be in danger of being banned because there’s a possibility they give women breast cancer! I mean how can your boobs be possibly bad for your health? “How could a lace sling designed to counteract gravity and give extra bounce have the sinister effect of blocking my lymph glands, so causing cancer? The medics should consider the dangers of banning bras,” says Esther, a cosmetologist in her 30s. “Millions of female joggers would run the risk of serious black eyes. It would also be a disaster for the retail trade. What would the husbands do at Christmas without the thrill of buying something quite unsuitable in red or shocking pink for their wives? And where would the advertising industry be without a cleavage feature on hoardings?”

As for deodorants, they’re supposed to contain carcinogenic chemicals, and to avoid the damaging effects, you’re advised to go natural—a giant leap back to the prehistoric days where you allow hair to grow and perspiration runs free. According to Esther:”That might have been bearable in those olden days, when reliance consisted of a knock on the head with a wooden club, and people lived in caves full of bat droppings. But imagine rush-hour, or the cinema, or a long haul flight without deodorants. Life might last longer but would it be worth living?” Here are other tongue-in-check comments on other “vices” you should give up:

Cars: They pollute, they kill people, and roads destroy the countryside. But in return, they give us freedom, independence and somewhere to put the shopping. Actually, no matter how much harm cars do, they’ll never be banned because men are addicted to them. They use their cars the way Medieval Man used his codpiece to inflate his ego.

Babies: A gynaecologist was once asked what single thing a woman could do to        prolong her life and hang on to her youth. He said:”avoid having babies. Child birth damages a woman’s body as badly as a car crash.” Once your baby is born, there’s no let up. Years of sleeplessness gives you indelible wrinkles. Babies throw up on the shoulder of your expensive dress. They develop a high fever just as you’re about to go out. Then they give you that gummy grin and fall asleep on your chest, breathing out that special fragrance of talcum and baby oil. Irresistible!

The Internet: We’re constantly warned about new dangers. You can be deluged with junk mail, harassed by pornography, conned by fraudsters or lured by paedophiles. But it unites the world and leaps over all barriers or frontiers. With one click, every reference book is open to you, you can trawl through history or literature, indulge your favourite hobby, meet friends or find true love. We’d be isolated and ignorant without it.

Milk Chocolate: It’s supposed to be crammed with fat so it’s bad heart, it’s almost pure sugar so it rots your teeth; and if it’s made in England, it contains practically no real chocolate. Who cares? In the 18th Century; chocolate was banned because it makes you feel so good. As a mood enhancer; it’s far better than gin.

Stiletto heels: They shorten your tendons, dig holes in wooden floors, get impaled in grass and break when you run. They have no practical use, but they flatter the fattest ankle and lengthen the shortest leg. Beauty queens have always known their power—so no wonder it’s become fashionable to wear with bikinis.

Men: Physically and emotionally, there is no doubt  that men are dangerous. We can contract diseases from them and have our hearts broken by them. There are compensations, however. They can open a bottle of champagne better than most women. And if the right man pays you a compliment, it will put a sparkle in your eyes more effectively than cosmetic surgery.

Easy steps to making a decision: “Get in touch with your values. What are you like when you are at your best?” so asks a Psychologist. What kind of passion do you want to be? Assess all the facts; what you specifically want to happen, what’s interpretation and what’s truth.

Analyse your feelings and become clear on what they are. See if the big question breaks down into separate sub-issues, each of which might benefit from a fresh solution. Phrase each issue as a question, starting: “How to … “ or “in what ways might I.” Mentally follow both decision paths and compare results.

For each, keep asking, “and why is that important to me?” to see which leads

you closer to your own values.

Don’t canvass opinions from others. Stop. Step back; go for a walk somewhere beautiful; wait. Try out each decision internally and see how it feels. Put a time frame on this; decide to look at it again in a few hours or days. Act— and “own the outcome of your decision. Accept that it was your choice made freely and, with due consideration.”

Married or single, which would you prefer?

If you’re single, you imagine all your problems would be solved if you had a partner. If you’re in a relationship, you might wonder if life would be more exciting on your own. But when it comes to sex, is it better when you’re single or is there something about a relationship that makes sex more intense?

Single Sex: Singletons can enjoy casual sex with no strings attached. You can sleep with who you like when you like. You’re free to enjoy the moment and may not think too much about the future. Sex can be spontaneous, carefree and exciting.

You can have sex with somebody you know, but sex with a stranger can be more of a thrill as it can be easier to lose our inhibitions.

Casual sex is seen as risky and naughty and can give deep physical satisfaction. It can also leave you emotionally empty. They are only life-affirming if both of you want the same.

Be sure to protect yourself and your lovers from sexually-transmitted infection and pregnancy by using good contraception and condoms every time you have sex.

Couple Sex: Most relationships go through an intense period at first when you can’t keep your hands off each other.

Because you’ve invested more in each other emotionally, the sexual highs and sense of fulfilment are immense. But the stakes are high and you risk greater heartache if things go wrong.

After about a year, the intensity of sex and the passion changes. You know your partner and it’s difficult to shut out the more mundane things in your life.

What you get instead is a sense of satisfaction with life as you feel more secure in your relationship. But you can’t get complacent. Without working at your love life, nights together can soon become mundane and routine.