Dear Bunmi,

I knew my boyfriend was romantically linked to a fashion designer almost 16 years his senior when I met him. He was a widower and his lover visited as often as she could because she was married.

As compensation, she was financially responsible for virtually everything he had – the bed, his clothes and second hand car.

After I met him, we started meeting fairly regularly and I even stayed over in his flat from time to time.

He made it clear, though, that he was very fond of this older woman and wouldn’t want to hurt her. I asked him if he didn’t want to remarry and he said not in the immediate future. I have seen this woman and she’s not half as pretty as I am.

What in God’s name does he see in her to prefer hurting me like this?

Bago,

By e-mail. Dear Bago,

It has been established that a lot of men in relationships with much older women are sometimes the ones who find it difficult to make decisions and take responsibilities for themselves.

They’re happy to let an older woman do it for them, just like their mum did. You knew this man was involved with an older woman when you met him and now he’s not ready to sacrifice his cushy existence for a permanent relationship with you, you could either stay for the fling or find another man who cares enough for you to be proud of a relationship with you.