By Aunty Julie

Dear Julie,

I have done things that I’m regretting and I don’t know whether I should tell my boyfriend about my mistake. What happened is, it was during the holidays so we were far apart from each other. I was at a party with my friends and two cousins. The party started all well and everybody enjoyed themselves including me, but almost everyone had a partner and I didn’t. I felt left out!

Love

Things started to be erotic – some kissing and some having sex. I was getting bored by then. A guy came to me and accompanied me. We talked and laughed. Then he started to kiss me and I kissed back. I wasn’t thinking straight – I totally lost it! After the kissing he pulled me upstairs to the bedroom and we had sex. I was really not thinking straight. So now when I’m with my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for a year and we’ve already had sex, I just don’t feel like he deserves me because of what I did. Should I tell him or not?

Funke, Ogun state

 Dear Funke,

It sounds like you are feeling guilty for what you did. It must be hard to keep these feelings hidden from your boyfriend. We all make mistakes, and they can help us to learn about relationships. No one knows automatically how to be the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend. Most adults are still trying to work it out! While you may be absolutely positive that you will not cheat on your boyfriend again, think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Would you want to know if your boyfriend had sex with someone else? Or how would you feel if you heard it from someone else?

It sounds like you don’t want to lose him but it’s important to also think about what it will be like for you to continually keep this a secret from your boyfriend. For some people, the guilt can become too much to keep in and although they are scared about how their partner will react, they also feel a huge amount of relief once they tell them. You can’t control how he will respond, but you can make sure he knows how sorry you are. If he can’t forgive you, take what you learnt from your mistake and use that with your next relationship.