By Udeme Archibong

On the side walks of life crowd of people are standing still in diverse groups from diverse cultures of diverse races blaming and complaining; if I had money…; if I had a good education…; if I had someone to help me…; if only the boss appreciated me…; if conditions around me were different…; if I hadn’t failed…; if I didn’t have a past…; if I could meet the right people…; if I could marry the right person…; if I could live my life over again…; if I only knew how…; and the voice trails off into silence.

The road less travelled is the road of taking absolute responsibility for the outcome of our destiny. The road frequently travelled is the road with the inscription which says, “I am not responsible; it’s the problem in the environment; it’s my upbringing, my background; it’s the weaknesses of other people; it’s the circumstances over which I have no control;

Therefore, it’s not my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it except there’s an external change my life will not get better. No doubt these external factors do exist but if these were the determining factor for the outcome of our lives nobody could have ever succeeded.

Success responds to the individual who make use of whatever tools life has handed over to him. Life always hands over to us something worthwhile that can make a difference in our lives. Life can never leave you with nothing.

The problem lies when we do not recognize or we minimize the value of what life gives to us. Most of us rather than focusing on what life have given to us, we focus on what we do not seem to have and we discard what we have. When we focus on what we can change, we gain control over our destinies and stand a chance of influencing what we do not have control over. But when we focus on what we do not have control over, we lose our ability to effect a change and we become helpless in gaining control over our lives.

As a result we come up with a lot of “if only”; “I can’t”; “I have to” to excuse or abdicate us from responsibility. Excuses make failure out of men but taking absolute responsibility to succeed makes champion out of men. The only things you have absolute control over are your thoughts; the images or the pictures you hold in your mind and the actions you take or your behaviour. These things create the conditions and experiences of your life.

Here’s the rub, “We are where we are and what we are because of our choices and until we take absolute responsibility for our choices we will not be able to create or experience the future we want.” Therefore, if we really want to change the circumstances and experiences of our lives, we must begin by changing ourselves; that’s the reason success is “inside-out”. But many people have made it an “outside-in” approach that’s why they remain stagnant where they are.

Our life is the product of our choices. Our genetic composition or hereditary traits, our upbringing and childhood experiences, environmental influences, people and circumstances of life undoubtedly influence us; but these factors do not determine the outcome of our lives. We are not a product of our condition or conditioning, but rather we are a product of our choices. Our life is determined by our choices. Within you lies the power to change your life through the power of choice.

We cannot choose our background or who our parents are, but we can choose what we become in our lives. We cannot choose our physical attributes, but we can choose and shape our personality. We cannot choose our nationality or race, but we can choose our sphere of influence. We have never been able to choose our temperament or our talents, but we can choose to develop them into a masterpiece. We cannot choose people’s opinion of us, but we can choose the opinion we have of ourselves.

Neither can we choose people’s attitude towards us, but we can choose how we respond to them. We could not choose our upbringing, but we can certainly choose our upshot. We cannot choose what the weather will be, but we can choose our feelings about the day. We may not be able to choose all our circumstances or conditions, but we can choose what we can do about them. We are able to choose our actions, but we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. And all in all, our choices determine our chances in life.

Therefore, if you really want to change your life, it’s up to you.