By Bunmi Sofola

THE amount the average woman spends to look glamorous these days could make the average husband bankrupt for the rest of his life!

Hakeem, a spare parts dealer and in his 40s is a self-made man. He’d first served as an apprentice under the uncle who brought him up before he was trusted enough to handle some of the transactions. When his uncle died suddenly and his only son flexed his muscles and took over running the business, Hekeem realised it was time for him to go.

“He launched his own spare parts business from his one-room in the familyhouse”, said Feyi, his younger sister. “Fortunately, he had clients he’d worked with in the past who didn’t trust his uncle’s son and they gladly switched over to him. He was even lucky to get a loan so he could get a proper shop and for a while, it was tough making all the repayments but he eventually did. I had my own beauty salon but was happy to double as an assistant in his shop until he could afford a full-time assistant.

“Then came the day Hakeem didn’t show up as early as he often did – on a Monday too! I was worried sick. Was he involved in an accident? I was about to call his house when he hurried in, looking exhausted – and in a foul mood. ‘Sorry, I overslept,’ he said as he rushed around. I looked at him disapprovingly. How could he come to work looking this unkempt?

‘Didn’t you wash your overalls at the weekend?’ I asked him. ‘No’, he replied tensely. ‘I worked over the weekend and Bukky’s been too busy…”

Busy doing what? Spending money that should be pumped into her husband’s business, no doubt. They’d been married for nine years with two kids and Hakeem loves them all.

“But I bit my tongue. Hakeem wouldn’t hear a word against his spoilt wife.

She didn’t work. Sold some funny-looking clothes to her equally useless friends from time to time and was always busy fussing over her hair extensions. But even an adoring Hakeem had finally realised her spending might be getting out of control, especially now that clients are very careful on what they buy because of the recession.

“I’d been at their place the previous Sunday for lunch and as usual, Bukky was dressed as if on her way to a glam party. As she dished out lunch, she suddenly remembered they needed a new dining table and chairs. What’s wrong with these?’ my brother wanted to know. Well, what’s right with them?’ she’d grumbled. ‘They’re old-fashioned and losing colour.’

‘Nothing a good polish wouldn’t restore,’ Hakeem told her. ‘We can’t spend any more on the house – the business is draining every kobo we have’.

“She gave him a nasty look, but he just ignored her. ‘I thought having your own business meant you reaped the profits,’ she protested. We were better off before you became self-employed!’ How could she be so insensitive and selfish? Surely, even she could see how hard her poor husband was working for the future – her future and their two kids’. When Hakeem leftthe table, she’d tried to win my sympathy. ‘Since your brother started this stupid business, I’ve barely seen him,’ she grumbled. ‘So when he’s home, I naturally want to look my best for him.’ How pathetic can you get? But my brother loved her, so I had to get along with her.

“Only, the morning in question, my anger was boiling. Bukky could at least have made sure her husband had some clean gear for work. ‘Oh dear,’ muttered Hakeem, ‘I’ve left my phone at home,’ I offered to pop over and pick it up for him since the flat isn’t far. I was determined to give her a piece of my mind whilst I was there. She was in her nightie and wearing last night’s make-up when she answered the door. She was surprised to see me. Said she was about to have some boiled yam, did I want some? Well,why not? When she went to the kitchen, I noticed some bills on the dining table – from a beauty shop whose proprietress I know. I couldn’t believe some of the frivolous purchases she’d made.

“I called the shop-owner as soon as I left Hakeem’s sop and was shocked when she told me Bukky was owing almost N450,000 in unpaid bills. She said she’d threatened and cajoled without any results. Yet she wanted more credit. I asked her to send the break-down of her debts to Hakeem’s address at the sop. I was in the shop when the bills came but discreetly left before he opened the envelope. That night, he turned up at my place.

‘Bukky and I have had a row,’ he said angry. ‘Can I stay for a few days with you to bring her to her senses?’ ‘Of course you can,’ I said, getting the bed ready for him whilst I settled for the settee. ‘Anything I can help with?’ I offered. ‘No, it’s between me and her,’ he told me shortly.

“A few days later, they called a truce but there’ve been more rows. I refuse to feel guilty. Maybe they were heading for trouble anyway. But I’m pretty sure my intervention helped Hakeem to see just how selfish his wife is. My only regret is that I hurt my brother as I see him suffer. I feel bad for threatening his marriage. But whenever I think of Bukky and how inconsiderate she is – a few words spring to mind – get rid of her!”

Perfect Timing 

(Humour)

A man entered the barber’s saloon and asked, “How long will you be?’

“About an hour,” replied the barber. “Okay, I’ll come back,” said the man who left. He didn’t return until the next day when he entered the doorway again and asked, “How long will you be?” the barber had six customers a waiting and said, about an hour or more. “Okay, I’ll come back.”

When the prospective customer did this every day of the week and never returned as he always promised, the barber became intrigued and asked his apprentice to follow him. “Tell me where he goes,” he said. The apprentice was back in five minutes. “He goes straight round to your place!” he told the barber.

If The Price Is Right! (Humour)

Dave and Mabel checked over their meagre finances and realised times were tough. “I’ve got an idea,” said Dave. “Every time we have a bit of nookie in bed I will pay you N100. It will be a means of saving with pleasure.”

Two months later they needed some extra funds and busted open the cash box. Dave was amazed to see the bundle of notes which included two-hundreds, five hundreds and thousands. “Mabel, where did you get all this money? Each time we did it, I only give you a hundred.” “Listen Dave,”she said, “not everyone is as stingy as you.”