By Rita Okoye

We all know the phrase once bitten twice shy, which basically means if you have been hurt doing something before you are careful or fearful about doing it again.

According to Didi Edet an author and relationship coach at Matchmakerdidi platform, in dating, you have to be open to trusting someone, even if you have been hurt before and that is hard to do when you have been bitten.

“I say a certain phrase to my clients a lot and I feel like most of them wish they had Oraimo cord to wipe my neck anytime I say it to them. The phrase is ‘do not let your past experiences prevent you from having future great experiences’, which sounds crazy to some because what they hear is ‘if fire burnt your hand before, it doesn’t mean you should not touch fire again’.

The relationship expert further noted that most of her clients are not afraid of trying for love again because they know that it does exist.

“Where the fear lies in is in trying for a certain kind of love again.  An example, I have this particular client that made this exact statement, she said ‘Abeg, any man from Kogi should just avoid me’. I of course asked where that statements stemmed from and she went on to explain her experience with a certain Kogi man and I stated that you cannot judge a whole group of people from the actions of one.”

“I have had a certain client comment on one of our Instagram question posts, saying ‘If you hear the name Emeka, Obinna or Nduka, just remove your slippers, put it under your armpits and run as fast as you can. Don’t even look back because it’s not just a turning to pillar of salt matter oh, they will sell that salt that you have turned into join’ this statement was based on her experience with possible one or two guys and she had grouped a whole tribe into this experience.”

“This is where most of the fear comes from for my clients, not for finding love as a whole, but finding love within a certain group that has probably caused hurt to them previously. I would usually say to them ‘if you are close to a certain group of people and somehow that’s where the perfect person for you lies then you’re playing fast and furious with your destiny.’”

In conclusion, Didi Edet assured that it is understandable to be afraid that you’ll be hurt again, if you have been hurt before and it is irrational but understandable to be afraid that you will be hurt by a group of people , if you have been hurt by someone in that group before.

“This is why I dedicated a whole chapter in my book to  talk about Pistanthrophobia.

Pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting others which is often as a result of experiencing serious disappointment or painful ending in a prior relationship. The trauma from the end of a previous relationship basically leading to you avoiding relationship as a whole or relationships that might resemble the previous relationship that hurt you. Read more on Pistanthrophobia in matchmakerdidi’s book: This is why you are still single – Lessons my members have taught me. This book basically talks about the experiences various members have had on the platform and in life. It tables the lessons that we can all learn from people’s experiences, how you can relate to it and how they overcame certain things that you might be going through as well.”

Didi Edet started out designing outfits and running a fashion show. Today, she is a data analyst, debt recovery expert, author and relationship coach at Matchmakerdidi platform.

She had her first degree in Economics from the prestigious Howard University in Washington DC in the United States and her Masters degree in International Strategy from University of St-Andrews, Scotland.

Although currently based in  Lagos, Matchmakerdidi formerly known as Lagosmatchmaker have served people from all states in Nigeria and also other countries such as the UK, the U.S., the UAE and others.