By Helen Ovbiagele

Some young male readers of this column, and some older people too, were a bit upset that in the piece with the title above, some members of that church’s youth fellowship  tried to trivialize the role of the man in the society by telling their pastor – guest speaker that too much responsibility is laid on the man.

In their opinion, that’s how God wants it to be: a man is born a leader of some sorts in one way or the other.  However it appears that this is now more accepted in the rural areas than in the urban areas, where many women are asserting their right to be successful and to lead.

“Madam, it’s the urban environment in which those young men have been raised that made them assume that too much pressure is put on the man to play a leadership role.  In the villages, the men are normally and naturally looked up to as leaders.  Whatever the event or the situation,  the man is expected to come play the role of  a leader.

This doesn’t reduce the importance of the women in the community.  No, they are very important in every way, but they know where to stop and the man takes over.  Young men in the cities have to learn this, if for nothing, for their own self-respect and esteem.  They should be raised as responsible people, and encouraged to remain so.  Thanks, George, Lagos.”

“Auntie Helen, those young men in your piece were not speaking the mind of the majority of our young males in this country.  They sounded like secondary school pupils who were whining about the pressures of life.

All the male children in my family were brought up to understand the need for them to consider themselves leaders.  That means equipping themselves with all the relevant knowledge and sense of responsibility to take care of themselves and of other people.  This doesn’t mean that everyone of us will become captain of industry or successful business people or politicians, but, we know enough to be leaders, if nowhere else, in our own respective homes in the future.  Thanks, ma.  –   Randy. ”

“Ma, I believe that school children should be given lessons in how to be  responsible citizens, right from the upper primary school.  There should be a special lesson for this, maybe on one of the days they hold club activities in the afternoon.  NGOs for young people and trained youth leaders can be invited to give these talks.  I don’t think, that old/mature people should be the ones to give the talk, rather, it should be people closer to the ages of  the pupils.  This would make the tips given, more receptive to the young minds, as it is one of their own, who understand their make-up, instructing them.

In my opinion, that pastor at the youth convention was talking down on his young hearers, as if they were morons.  That will certainly get their backs up, and that was why some said too much responsibility is put on the male child. –  Friday,  Sapele.”

“Mrs Ovbiagele, in my opinion, the first lessons on how to be a leader should be in the home.  And it should be by example, as whoever is the male leader in the home shows a sense of responsibility and authority.  By the latter, I mean, the man in the home should be decisive and focused, not a bully or batterer.  Let the children actually see you taking charge of the home, by being interested in the lives of all members, and having a good relationship with each other.

Next is ensuring that you have a transparently honest means of livelihood.  If you buy and sell, or, are self-employed, get the children involved too, so that they can learn to help out.  Even without saying a word, you’re teaching them how to lead. –  Pa Joe, Port Harcourt.”

“Madam, the reaction of those young men shows the decline in this generation’s sense of responsibility.  I can’t claim to be elderly because I’m only in my early 50s, but in our days, which isn’t that too far away,  boys grew up with the knowledge that they will lead in one way or the other in their lives, and it would be a shame if they flop in this role.

In fact, some of us secretly had role models in leadership that we were watching with the aim of  taking what we were learning from their lives,  to our future homes.  This person could be our father, elder brother, uncle, headmaster or teacher, etc.  We looked forward eagerly then, to when one would  head one’s own family and feel in charge.   –   Segun,  Okokomaiko, Lagos.”

“Auntie Helen,  though I don’t support the view of those young men in thinking that a man doesn’t have to assume leadership role, if  he has capable female to head things, I can understand their mindset.

I’m in my 20s myself, and I know that a man should have leadership qualities because, one day, he’s going to head a home, but sometimes, you feel, ‘what’s the point in trying’ because the young women around you, either in the classroom or in places of work,  are really striving hard to excel and lead.  I’m not saying this is wrong; rather, it should be encouraged so that our girls can be achievers, but a young man has to be very determined not to be overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness when they consider this.  He has to fight hard not to become laid-back in life.

Inwardly, of course, every boy knows that he will have to play a leadership role, but if the home, the community and the school don’t encourage him to acquire it, he just wouldn’t want to try.  Thanks.   Richard,  Kaduna.”

We thank all those who wrote in to express their views on this issue.