Dear Bunmi,

I’m in my mid-twenties and have a young son. I’ve been with my boyfriend since our university days, but I don’t love him anymore. I only stay in the relationship because of this child. Around the time I became pregnant, I’d been seeing someone else for eight weeks but broke off the affair because I thought the kid was my boyfriend’s. Unfortunately, the boy looks nothing like him – he looks like the boy I had a fling with.

I don’t want to continue to lie to my boyfriend about my son, it doesn’t feel right. But how am I going to tell my boyfriend what I’ve done? People have told me not to tell him but I can’t. I don’t want to have to lie to my son or to anyone. It’s not fair.

Zainab,
By E-mail

Dear Zainab,
I agree with you. To mislead your son about the identity of his father would be a gross deception. To defraud your boyfriend by allowing him unknowingly to raise another man’s son is equally unacceptable. Unfortunately, a few people are now aware of your plight and you can’t rely on them to be a part of any conspiracy of silence.

You need to tell your boyfriend that you’re unsure who’s the father of your child. The double revelation of your unfaithfulness and that he may not, after all, have a son, will wound him.

Yet, he may have sensed that you are going off him. For everyone’s peace of mind, a blood test is needed. After the test, he might even decide to support you if he weren’t the father. I wish you the best of luck.

She can’t handle the break up of her marriage

Dear Bunmi,
My best friend is quite a party animal and I enjoy going out with her. But since splitting up with her husband of nine years, she’s been throwing herself at everything in trousers and it’s a bit embarrassing. How can I stop her from being termed a cheap commodity by those men?

Franca,
By E-mail

Dear Franca,
The bottom line is, you can’t stop your friend from doing anything she really wants to do. But if she’s behaving as badly as you say, it may be she’s unhappy about the break-up of her marriage and sleeping around is her way of dulling the pain. So, rather than nagging her, try offering her emotional support. If she knows you’re there for her, and she can talk about how rotten she’s feeling, she’s much less likely to seek comfort in sex.

He doesn’t know I fancy him

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve fallen in love with an older undergraduate in my university. We meet from time to time but always in the midst of people and he is friendly. He hasn’t really said he loves me or asked me out

A girlfriend said he’s confided in her that he fancies me but couldn’t do anything about it as he has a steady girlfriend. Should I make a play for him and try to steal him from his girl? After all, all is fair in love and war!

Franka,
By E-mail

Dear Franka,
Are you sure you’re not confusing love with infatuation? You don’t really know this man or the depth of his commitment to his steady. If he really wants you that badly he would have thrown caution to the wind.

Stay friendly with him by all means but go out with other men, who knows, he might become available with time. Then and only then can you find out if you could be really compatible.