By Bunmi Sofola

WHAT IS happening to our teenage-girls these days?  According to  an observer, “They dress in provocative gears that reveal as much flesh as any professional. When the average teen girl is old enough, she wants to go out and have sex where and when she wishes with any lad who takes her fancy. And, her biggest ambition is to sleep with various celebrities – the more atrocious, the better.

They used to be interested  in kissing and courting, but now, sexual behaviour seems to have turned a corner.  And, for some, a night out is nothing if they don’t get straight down to copulation,  raw sex and instant gratification. It is the sexual version of a take-away!”

When some of our legislators first opened the cankerworm of promiscuity some years back and threatened to pass laws prohibiting revealing female clothes, the dust it raised took a long time to settle. But, are we to blame for our children’s casual treatment of sex? Should we be worried about the message our society is sending out to young girls? Carol Platt Lieban, an American writer in her book: Prude: How Sex-Obsessed Culture Damages Girls, says we should be more than worried.

She believes it’s time to start telling our daughters to swim against the tide. According to her: “We tolerate culture that seems to teach girls the most noteworthy attribute they can have about  sexiness. It’s more important than character, or intelligence or talent, or almost anything else. That’s a terrible message to send to young girls who are still shaping their identity.

It leads them into behaviour that won’t make them happy in the long  run.’‘ The consequences, she believes, could go far beyond the obvious dangers faced  by girls who are having sex at such an early age. There’s a lot of talk about the physical consequences such as unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. However, a lot of girls do have sex and don’t get pregnant or get STL, especially if they heed advice to use contraception. But they may end up being  physically and emotionally damaged.

That aspect isn’t discussed enough. Studies have shown girls aged 14 to 17 who engage in sexual activity are three times more likely to suffer from depression than girls who don’t.  And, there’s more emotional havoc too – such as anxiety, loss of self-esteem, inability to trust men, and difficulty forming lasting relationships later in life. Yet, all people ever seem to do is say to girls, ‘Don’t get pregnant.’

So, where has this modern obsession with sex come from? Plat Lieban accepts that there was never a time when people weren’t interested in sex. But she suggests the world has changed. She says: “The problem now is that the sexualising is aimed towards younger and younger girls. Then there’s this idea that young girls who act like the worst kind of men sexually are ‘liberated.’

The idea that it’s ‘empowering’ to just go out and have sex like a man, without emotion or a relationship. That sex is just another activity. That kind of attitude – popularised by shows like Sex and the City – has done a good deal to instil that idea in young girls. They don’t have the life experience to realise these shows are frothy fairy tales. They’re not the way life works. You can’t just go round having sex with dozens of men you pick up at parties and not having it affect you in some way.

But how can we, parents, help our teenage daughters develop a healthy attitude to sex? ‘According to the experts I interviewed for my book, there are three very simple things you can do,” says Platt Lieban. “First, give girls a positive vision (what they’re waiting for. Much of the discussion about sex is, ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that’. Young people think they’re invulnerable, so all the negative stuff only goes Sl far. What girls need is an understanding of why waiting for someone who care about your body and mind is best. Help them develop virtues that enable them to wait. That includes good judgment, self-restraint and the courage to resist peer pressure.

“Finally, offer support. It might be through your family, from a source like a church  group or even better, through their friends. Greater censorship is not necessarily the answer. This isn’t about what adults do in their own homes or choose to see. But we should be able to come to an agreement that the right of adults to sell advertisements for topless bars, for example, should be exercised in a more private  setting. Many people have been relieved that someone is at last voicing these  objections. People are led to believe that if they object to offensive content, they are the ones who are hopelessly old-fashioned and out of step.”

It’s a man’s world
On theaverage, we spend five years of our life worrying. That’s one hour and 46 minutes every day! But what is it that keeps us tossing and turning in our beds all night? A recent survey by advice website. Really Worried . com found that men and women worry about different things. Women spend more time fretting over money and their partner cheating, while men worry more about sex. But youngsters worry most of all.

The research revealed that teenagers are more likely to spend time fretting than their parents or grandparents. One in ten 16-19 year-olds admitted to worrying for up to 12 hours a day. Surprisingly, they say they are more concerned about getting on the property ladder than about body image or sex. Whatever you fret about, it can affect your well-being. Over half of those who took part in the survey said worry caused them sleepless nights. Many people said that worrying about things made them smoke and drink more. ReallyWorried.com founder, Richard Rubin, is a chronic worrier. That’s one of the reasons he set up the website.

He says: “A problem shared is a problem halved. ReallyWorried.com allows people to share their nuggets of wisdom with one another.” But what is it that makes some of  us fret more than others? According to the British health service provider, BUPA, 50me psychologists think excessive worrying is linked to personality type.

Others think it can be traced back to negative childhood experiences. And, serious anxiety disorders can be the result of chemical imbalances in the brain. Dr. Gillian Butler is a  clinical psychologist who has written about worrying. She says she isn’t surprised that young people fret the most. “The essence of worry is ‘what if?’ You worry less if you’re certain about things. When you’re young, there are lots of uncertainties – so that adds up to a lot of worries.”

How can we learn to worry less? Break a problem into a list of parts, sequenced in order of priority. Work out a solution for each stage and plan a reward for achieving each goal. Borrow relaxation self-help books or tapes. Make time for regular exercise. Avoid a high caffeine and alcohol intake as both can increase anxiety and worsen worrying. Dr. Butler adds: “Becoming confident is  a way of getting rid of  worry. Another is by using curiosity rather than catastrophe. For example, you  should think: “I  wonder if I will find the man of my dreams rather than: I’m never going to find the man of my dream.”

What birds and the bees? (Humour)
A MAN asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know,” the child says, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asks his son what’s wrong.

“Oh, dad,” he sobs. “When I was six, I got the ‘there’s no Santa’s speech, At seven, I got the ‘there’s no Easter bunny, speech. Then, when I was eight, you hit me with the ‘there’s no tooth fairy speech. If you’re going to tell me that grown-ups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for.’‘