By Bunmi Sofola

Since my wife and I separated five years ago, I can count the number of times I’ve seen my two children on the fingers of my hands and still have a couple of fingers left,” said 42-year-old Teslim, a self-employed electrical engineer. “This is not because I don’t want to see them; it’s not because I don’t love them. It’s because Folu, my ex and I can’t put our hatred of each other to one side for a moment – even at festive periods and holidays – to think about the people who really matter most — our children.

“Her excuse is that the children, who are now in their early teen don’t want to see me and I can’t make them. I know they don’t want to see me because Folu has turned them against me. When I first started my business, things were very tough financially, and, for a few years, Folu was responsible for keeping food on the table. The house we lived in was half-finished, but it was mine.

“I came home one day to find her gone with the kids. The note she left was really humiliating and the rich parents she ran to didn’t even bother to find out from me why she left.

”A few weeks later, I went to her family house and met her mother who told me snootily  that maybe we should give each other some breathing space. That Folu was really traumatised by the experience she went through in her marriage. What experience for goodness sake? Will she be the first to support a husband in his trying times?”

“Neither Teslim nor Folu can bring themselves to face up to their role in their break-up or swallow some pride and call a truce,“ said Folu’s aunty who was very angry with Folu’s mum for driving a wedge into the marriage. “Neither is ready to say: ‘We might not love each other any more but at least we can love our children: Instead a yawning gap has opened up between them into which the poor children have fallen. And, it is these children that will miss out on quality time that should be spent with their dad.

“When a family breaks up for whatever reason, there is sadness. It is sad for the parents, sad for the children and sad to for the grandparents – left in the wings, deprived of their grand- children in the fall-out from their child’s failed relationship. When things go wrong the pain is felt all round. But it doesn’t have to be a disaster. Reason does not have to give way to anger. Pain does not have to replace fair-mindness. It is hard to put aside your feelings, especially in the early days when emotions are raw. But it can be done…”

It is sad that the number of children who live with both parents is dwindling while more and more children live in a single-parent household. Like thousands of other up and down the length of the country, Teslim’s family is fractured and scattered, forced apart by separation or divorce. And, it is a growing statistics.

“Marriage ended when my  ex left home,  taking our children without even telling me,” Teslim continued,  some of the resentment in him still flaring. “There had  been times when that moment had pushed my good nature and reasonableness to the brink. What did she expect when she left.” That I would go after her, begging her in  my  knees to come back? That I would be so destitute I would be begging on the street?

“The ironic thing is that my luck changed for the better after she left. My business picked up to a peak that even astonished me. I found romance when I was not even looking for it. Before I eventually got hitched to my second  wife, she had thrown  all her savings and contacts into the business and insisted we should complete the house so we could let half of it.

Folu refused to let the children attend the wedding and she had even bitched to her friends that  all I could end up with was an ugly wife. My wife might be ugly in her eyes, but to me she is a beauty inside out. She is a wonderful mother to our twin sons and personified what a wife should be.

“All I know is that I would one day regain the control of my first two children. Divorce doesn’t mean I have to lose control of my children.

”In spite of the court’s decision to let me have access to them, my ex still clings to them as a bargaining chip. I wish her all the luck. I won’t be the first man to be deprived of time with my children because of a bitter ex and I certainly won’t be the last! Yet, there had been cases where parents put their differences aside for the benefit of their children. I hope that, very soon, Folu would meet a man who would help her let go of her bitterness – just like my new wife has: helped with mine.”

Why not with me (Humour)

A jealous husband hires a private detective to spy on his wife. The husband then asks for a video of his wife’s movements. A week later, the detective brings him the video. The man sees his wife meet another man. He watches the two of them laughing in the park, enjoying themselves at an outdoor  café, dancing in a night club. He sees them participate in a dozen activities, having lots of fun.

“I just can’t believe this,” the distraught husband says. “What’s not to believe?” “Says the detective, “It’s right up there on the screen.” The husband replies: “I just can’t believe my wife could be so much fun.”

Economic with the truth? (Humour)

Three women are at a cocktail party. Their talk turns to their positions in life, and it’s clear they’re trying to outdo each other. “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks,” says the first, looking at the others with a smirk.

“Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” boasted the second, and looks about with considerable pride. “Well, to be perfectly honest with you,” says the third woman, “we don’t have much money and we don’t have any material possession. But 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on my husband’s erect penis.”

The first woman looks sheepish. “Girls,” she says, “I’ve got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We’re not really going to the French Riviera. We’re going to my parents, house for two weeks.” “Your honesty has shamed me,” says the second woman. “I’ll admit my husband didn’t buy me a Mercedes. He actually bought me a Ford.” “Well,” the third woman says. “I also have a confession to make. Canary 13 has to stand on one leg.”