January 8, 2023

Dear Bunmi, is he controlling me through sex?


I love my boyfriend but when he wants sex, he wants it right away.

It can be when I’m about to leave for work, I’m getting ready to meet friends, or just in a hurry to get something done at home.

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I used to find this quite a turn-on, but recently, a friend has warned me by suggesting it could be his way of controlling me, especially if I’m about to do something that doesn’t involve him.

What do you think?

Gladys, by e-mail.

Dear Gladys,

No one ever said that sex had to be confined to the bedroom. Impulsive passion is often exciting and satisfying.

But if there is a chance that your boyfriend is using spontaneous sex in a deliberate attempt to control or restrain you, you’ve got to talk to him about this.

Only you know how insistent he is, but he has to understand that ‘no’ always means ‘no’ and that sometimes, sex is not appropriate.

 Ask him to see things from your point of view, but if he can’t – or won’t – maybe he’s not the man you think he is, and it could be time to consider the future of this relationship.

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