By Ruth Oji

OUR lesson on sentence errors continues next week. Today, our focus is on expressions that are repetitive and redundant. Oftentimes in writing, some individuals use words that may be termed unnecessary, given that they delay a reader in getting to the point. 

I will share with you examples of expressions that are wordy and those that can be used in their stead to promote word economy. As you read, see if you agree that the expressions are roundabout and need modification, and see if the modifications attend to the issue. More importantly, see if you can modify them differently!

Roundabout: Due to the fact that our expenses had reached a point of being higher than our income, the members of the committee took the step of disbanding. (27 words)

Improved: The committee disbanded because expenses were higher than income. (9 words)

Roundabout: It is my opinion that this article on the subject of grammar is one which will be enjoyable to you. (20 words)

Improved: You will enjoy this article on grammar. (7 words)

Roundabout: The field of artificial intelligence has been an area of interest for Winifred since she was six years of age. (20 words)

Improved: Winifred has been interested in artificial intelligence since she was six. (11 words)

Roundabout: In order to detect the disease of glaucoma, the method of X-raying is the one used. (16 words)

Improved: Glaucoma is detected by X-raying. (5 words)

Roundabout: In regard to the state of cab service in this estate, you will find that there is a cab that goes by here with hourly regularity. (26 words)

Improved: A cab goes by here every hour. (7 words)

Roundabout: It seems to me that it has seldom been the case that we have had so much trouble with the sale of tickets for our raffle.

Improved: We have seldom had so much trouble selling raffle tickets. 

What are your observations regarding the modification process? Did you notice that I simply cut the fat? Leaving out unnecessary words helps to make your writing concise. Get ready to practise rewriting the following roundabout expressions:

Roundabout: Due to the unpleasant circumstances of rain and temperatures which were so cold as to be unseasonable, the art and craft fair had a very poor showing of people in attendance.

Improved: ………………………………………………………………………………………

Roundabout: Owing to the fact that ASUU has been on strike for upwards of seven months and counting, many students have been at home for quite a long time.

Improved: ……………………………………………………………………………………….

Roundabout: The method those engaged in the profession of taking polls use to determine public opinion is by sampling.

Improved:…………….. 

I suppose you had a good try. Let us now apply this principle of being concise to paragraph writing. To achieve this, we would need to use as many sentences as we need and eliminate unnecessary words. Also, we may have to use verbal phrases and subordinate clauses where appropriate to make the paragraph as clear and direct as possible. This skill helps you to always review your writing before you send it out.

Roundabout paragraph: 

In this day and age, there are many types of appliance, and their purpose is to make tasks easier and more efficient in the area of housekeeping. The dishwater is one type of these appliances, and it washes dishes automatically. Another appliance is the clothes dryer. It is automatic like the dishwasher, and it can be bought in two models, a gas model or an electric model.

Improved paragraph:

Many appliances make housekeeping tasks easier and more efficient today. Two are the automatic dishwasher and the automatic clothes dryer, which come in gas or electric models.

Your observation? Our improved paragraph is punchy. And this reveals that you can include more details in your paragraph than simply being verbose. In my opinion, the improved paragraph can have further details punched in.

Can you try to rewrite the paragraph below?

Roundabout paragraph:

Regarding the medium of television, a complex image is hard to convey and get across on a television screen, and the smaller a plant or animal or other living creature is, the harder it is to present. An automobile is a clean, simple, and uncomplicated image, so it comes across better than plants or animals do. What a car does is an easy conception to understand, too. It moves people about. This would seem to be an explanation for the fact that there are more shots and images of cars on our television screens than natural creatures and natural environments.

•Dr. Oji is a Senior Lecturer of English at the Institute of Humanities, Pan-Atlantic University, Lagos