I’m very close to my boyfriend of nine months and enjoy the intimacy that exists between us.

The thing is that whenever we have sex, he closes his eyes and stays silent.

He says he enjoys cuddling more than sex, yet he also says he wants more excitement.

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How do I interpret his mixed signals? It’s impossible to read his feelings during sex, whilst he says noting.

Lanre, by e-mail

Dear Lanre,

A lot of men aren’t verbal while they’re doing the deed because they prefer their partners to do the moaning and screaming.

However, men are believed to be visual creatures, so a man shutting his eyes during sex sounds a bit strange. He may be hiding something. What exactly that is, I don’t know.

Maybe your boyfriend is insecure about his sexual prowess, so it’s easier for him to shut his eyes and concentrate.

 Or it could be he is prone to premature ejaculation, and looking inward helps him slow down.

Try to draw him out of his shell by telling him that it would really turn you on to gaze into his eyes during sex. Then probe a little further and get him to talk about what’s wrong.

Clearly, he isn’t satisfied with the current sexual status quo. So, ask him nicely and constructively to help you understand what he craves.

He may give you an answer you can work with or he may confuse you further, in which case you have to decide whether you’re happy being an over-cuddled, under-sexed mind reader!

Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi: [email protected]

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