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Dear Bunmi,

I’VE been with my boyfriend for two years now and I really believe he’s my soul mate. He loves me and treats me like a princess.

The only problem is that he’s very jealous. I daren’t keep in touch with male friends, as it’s just not worth the interrogation. Socialising with men even in a group is a no-no.

My friends are getting fed up with me, as I hardly ever go out without him. As a result, I see less and less of them. I’ve always assured him I’d never cheat on him, but this hasn’t helped his insecurity. How can I prove he can trust me?

Kemi, by e-mail

Dear Kemi,

You’re asking how you can prove your trustworthiness, as if you’re the one at fault here.

By the sound of it, you aren’t to blame at all. You’re bending over backwards so as not to make waves. Yet, the problem isn’t you, it’s your boyfriend. He may be your soul mate, but he’s jealous when he has no reason to be. It might have been acceptable for him to be a bit wary at the start of your relationship but, after two years together, he ought to be feeling secure.

You say he loves you – but it’s a possessive type of love. You’ve cut off your friends and given him far too much control over your life, all to make him happy. The answer is not to carry on tiptoeing around him. It’s to make him realise the reason he gets so edgy are nothing to do with you or your actions. Perhaps in the past other people had let him down  – maybe family, friends or previous partners have betrayed him – so, he’s extra wary in relationships. Or, perhaps, he doesn’t feel he’s good enough for you, or is scared you’ll find someone better, so he’s overly anxious all the time.

He has to learn to trust you. Tell him lovingly but firmly that he’s seeing things wrongly. It was other people who let him down in the past, not you. Then work towards getting your social life back. Make contacts with lost friends, male or female, and go out with them once in a while, without him tagging along. This won’t be easy. He will get anxiously and insecure so much you might be tempted to back down so as to avoid friction. But don’t give in. Instead, aim to build a relationship based on trust, rather than jealousy.