By Ugoji Egbujo

March hasn’t been idle. Russia is stuck in Ukraine and is boasting that it has Syria, which might lend it some muscles. It isn’t yet a quagmire, but it’s nearly there. Russia will be in a predicament when it assumes control of Ukraine but can’t walk on the streets. March has caricatured the Russian military might. 

Obiano’s wife had thought it would be easy. So she marched to Bianca to take her verbal pound of flesh. It must have been some leftover tiff. But when she got to her prey, she saw stars. She managed to return to her seat in one piece but with only portions of her wig. And while embarrassed cameras looked to the heavens to understand the confusion on earth, skit makers started working overtime, making omelette from the rotten eggs Mrs Obaino and Ojukwu had gifted them. Hours after a melee, a female scratch and grab overshadowed a glittering coronation, Mr Obiano was making his way to the airport. At the airport, waiting Eagles swooped on him. A court injunction couldn’t help a starry-eyed travelling Willy. March has been that kind of month. 

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March. Taribo and company passed by Bourdillon. They went to express lifetime gratitude to the lion of Bourdillon. The lion showed familiarity with obeisance from smaller animals. But the prayer of pastor Taribo startled the lion and shook the jungle. Taribo has always been professionally ruthless. In football, he took no prisoners. As a prayer warrior, it is apparent he flogs the devil without mercy. The praise-singing train of former Eagles players moves around like doctors without borders. When that train passed by Kogi, it was more photo than prayer sessions. Who knows what might happen when they stop over at Dubai to see the Turaki?

In Edo PDP, tenants are fed up. They say they haven’t been accepted despite the huge offerings they rendered to the insatiable tax collectors during the COVID epidemic in 2020. The problem is, they have nowhere else to go. A return journey to their former home would be humiliating. So they should hang around to see if the noisy god of small things will put a leash on his ego and let them breathe. After all, even refugees at some point are allowed to sit and party with sons of the soil. But if the tenants remain garrulous, they might leave little room for reconciliation. They should know that if a riverine god takes them as his next project, a court in Degema could upset the apple cart. That god has boasted he would make them look like Ethiopian refugees. Rather than dare the bully and insinuate that he is corrupt, Edo PDP tenants must seek the face of the Almighty God, who is the God of gods. In March, we learnt that while Sons of the Soil can issue threats, tenants can’t except they first publish their fathers’ CVs. 

In this same March, Peter found his balls. He had been waiting for some Alhajis to dictate to him what his ambitions should be. But it appears he has realised he had been waiting for Godot. Because the Alhajis  have been so busy with their babanriga-sized personal ambition that they might not ‘cut soap’ for Peter. In the days to come, the picture will become more apparent. Is Peter testing the waters with one foot? Does he want to walk bullishly upon the sea? Gathering traditional rulers in Awka is a good start. But committing resources and energy to the project and running around like Moghalu will signal seriousness. In days to come, it will become clearer. We will know if Peter is a pacemaker angling for a small supporting role.

In March, Buni was removed. Then Buni disappeared. A few days later he surfaced in London beside the president. Then, he reappeared in Abuja. This new Buni, who marches without bounce, looks like a man from whom a heavy burden has been lifted. But his shrunken appearance could be because he has returned from mars to reality. Anyway, while Buni was neither here nor there, Akeredolu, the governor of Ondo state, left him a love letter. The poetic letter talked about pocket-filling black legs in the corridors of power. Then it talked about internal scavengers, perhaps Judases, with incurable lust for power, experts in fabricating artificial barricades. Aketi, flogging a fallen horse.

March!

Soludo  nwaMgbafo, a ray of hope, is now governor. When he took a peep into Anambra’s purse, he became incoherent. Nwoke n’ife! Poor professor. It must have choked. After struggling with words, he said he would draw a line and move forward. In other words, bygones will be bygones. Perhaps Soludo is that brash after all. He knows how to stoop and understands how to manage godfathers. In that single TV appearance, he showed he could walk the land mine like other fleet-footed, slippery, everyday politicians. And there is nothing spectacularly perverse in covering up the naked ass of a godfather in a banana republic. It’s just that ambiguity doesn’t sit well on him. I wish him well.

March is still marching. 

Quote: Anyway, while Buni was neither here nor there, Akeredolu, the governor of Ondo state, left him a love letter