Dear Bunmi,

My mother fell and broke her leg and has to stay indoors until she gets better, and I currently look after her. She is in her late 70s and I am 38. I have a boyfriend who says I must spend less time with my sick mum. I am an only child and my boyfriend accepted my commitment to my mum, at first, but now he’s saying enough is enough and I must spend more time with him. 

He spends time with his children from a previous relationship, and goes out with his friends as often as he wants to.

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I love him but my love for my mum is infinite. I have a good job and live in a flat with my son. I know I should tell him to get lost, but he seems to have a hold on me.

Kaddish, by e-mail.

Dear Kaddish,

You don’t need pressure from your boyfriend right now. If you cut down the support you give your mother, you will end up feeling bad. If it’s because of his ultimatum, the relationship would suffer even more.

Agree on one evening a week when you’ll be together and let him know this won’t go on for ever.

Remind him you accept it when he needs to put his family first and that he has his own social life just like you have yours. If he won’t compromise, he isn’t right for you.