By Yetunde Arebi
In time past, divorce was regarded as a shameful thing by many people, more so in our clime. Marriage was assumed to be a sacred institution where once a woman steps into it, is not expected to look back again.
Good or bad, it is her cross to bear till death do them part. Interestingly, the story has changed, and rapidly too. People walk out of their marriages for the flimsiest of reasons, including poor sexual performance and complaints about the size of sex organs.
Below are the views of a few respondents on why divorce seems to be on the increase.
Dewumi, (38), Insurance executive, people ignore basics of marriage.
“I cannot categorically give one reason because we have so many reasons. It depends on what or why they even went into that contract in the first place. Some people just get married now so that they can be called by a man’s name. They don’t recognise the basics of marriage, the way God intended it.
And so, they just feel that it is a contract to just get a man’s name and add to their name. For some, it could just be to get a roof over their heads, while for some others, it could be because the guy is boxed up, that is, he has plenty of money to take care of the lady’s needs.
People no longer consider all of the basic things about marriage. God’s intention for marriage is very critical and if that is missed from the beginning, then a lot of things could happen. The marriage might not last as it’s expected.
For some, it could be because of fame. The man is popular or the woman is popular. At the end of the day, when you get married and you now truly begin to see who the person really is, then you will feel that you can no longer cope with that kind of lifestyle or personality. So you want to call it off”.
Bosede, (48), a Teacher, says women are no longer tolerant:
“I will say lack of patience. You don’t want to adapt to the other person’s lifestyle, unfortunately, that is what marriage is all about. You have to be able to adapt to the man’s lifestyle or the woman’s lifestyle because you both have different backgrounds. And once you decide to come together, you should appreciate the background and tolerate him or her. Then, you will blend the two together, to build a new foundation to live together.
Violence! Men who beat up their wives. That is a major issue that leads to divorce today. It is now old fashion for one to advise women to persevere in abusive marriages again. We have seen how this has become a threat to people’s lives. Separation for a while is necessary here but where this does not work, then divorce is inevitable. Marriage can bring out the best or worst in any individual”.
Precious, (32), Civil Servant, attributes diabolic reasons for divorce:
“Infidelity on the part of the man or woman is a major reason now. It could also be trust issues and once the mind is poisoned, it is a festering ground for disaster. Third parties in relationships is another big issue. Same for the negative influence of in-laws. I will use my mother as an example.
Her mother-in-law hated her and would openly say so many ill things about my mother in the presence of my father, the children and even extended and non-family members. Eventually, as soon as my mother knew we were no longer children and could take care of ourselves, she moved out. Who is suffering from it now? My father of course, because he could not protect his marriage from external forces.
There are also people that their marriages pack up due to diabolical means, either to make the man or the woman look stupid or bad to their partner so that they can separate them.
Most times, when the family of the man does not like the woman, apart from making obvious physical trouble, those are the kind of things they adopt to separate them. It is not often that you see a marriage break up without external influence.
The man and the woman on their own cannot just cause problems for themselves without the assistance or influence of some outside forces. Then, a once happy, enduring, the partner will just become something different, and all the love, peace and harmony between the couple will just disappear”.
Agnes, (40), also a Civil Servant, insists that money issues alone can lead to divorce.
“There is no genuine woman on this earth that will enter into marriage and will just want to end the marriage just like that. Money is a crucial issue in marriage.
If there is no money, it is a problem. If one person has the money and the other does not, it is another type of problem. Now, if the woman has the money and the husband does not, it is a serious problem. Another important aspect of money is how it is spent. If a couple cannot talk openly and honestly about money, it can lead to a lot of disaffection between them. It may even open the window for other issues to set in and lead to a separation or divorce.
Another thing is extramarital affairs. In the days of our parents, it was not a big deal. Men could marry or date as many women as they wanted, openly to the knowledge of their wives. Today, you will hardly find a woman who will condone it.
They will rather be single than stay married to a cheat. It is unacceptable when you begin to see your husband flitting around outside your home, spending money unnecessarily. It hurts. Some of these men even infect their wives with sexually transmitted diseases as a result of their several relationships. And all these must be endured by the woman because she wants to remain married? Surely not!
My next important reason will be a family influence. When couples have problems and they do not have good family members to step in and intervene so that the issues can be resolved, then there is a problem.
That is why they say marriage is two families coming together. If one of the partners have a toxic family background where they look up to nobody and they are the ones controlling their parents and elders in the family, then there is a problem. If you as a single girl is dating such a guy, retrace your footsteps.
You cannot expect anything good to come from such a family. When there is a problem that they need to step in, they may pretend and make half-hearted moves, just to present a positive or decent front. Deep down, they dare not say anything contrary to what their guy wants. He calls the shots.
Hmmm! watch out for more views from our respondents next edition. Do have a wonderful weekend!