…Says couple downplay love, submission in marriage

By Elizabeth Osayande

The Convener of Valiant Women Awards and Marriage Counselor, Lovett Obiakalusi, has called on couples to define and understand the definition in their marriage, in order to enjoy lasting peace and longevity.

Obiakalusi in a media chat to celebrate her 28 years marriage anniversary noted that while the husband’s primary duty is to love the woman, the wife is to submit to her spouse. 

The mother of eight children and a grandmother also reiterated the place of God in every successful marriage.

According to her, “When God is involved in your marriage, in an advent of misunderstanding, the God factor brings it together.

Excerpt of the media briefing: 

 “For marriage to work, it is the definition you give to marriage that enables you to live through it. If you give it Godly definition, it answers to it, if you give it worldly definition, it answers to it.

“To me, marriage is an act of God. An institution crafted by God himself for his own glory. It is an agreement that is spiritually blinded with God at the middle of it all. If you see marriage in this light, you will realize that all you will be doing in marriage would be in the consciousness of God.

“So even when the marriage is not going as you want it to be, the God factor brings it together.

“Going forward, like I said, I have been married for 28 years, and if I tell you that there are no challenges, then I’m not telling you the truth. However, there are principles that have guided me all these years.”

“In marriage there are principles. God designed marriage to be enjoyed not endured. He gave us principles. There are two of them that are very powerful arsenals that when you apply them in your marriage, you won’t have a problem, and that is, submission and love.

“We play down these two things because we think we know too much. In marriage you need love and submission. Love is for the man and submission is for the woman.

“God said a man should love his wife just as Christ loves the church. Christ loves the church even to the point of death. I interpret love for the man in terms of leadership, direction, and provision.

 “Leadership is not in terms of making the woman your slave, but you,  giving her direction and she being secured under your custody and be aware that you are able to take care of her needs. This is the way to interpret the love that God is talking about to the man.

“But you find out that these days, men don’t have much to do anymore, and it is like the woman who now provides for the home. This is not the original plan of God for the woman. If a man is bringing, the woman’s own is to be eating. That’s how God created it.

“So leadership, provision and direction is my interpretation of the love that God is talking about.”

Speaking about the woman, she said submission comes with a lot of respect, humility and a lot of love which are displayed towards the husband.

“If you interpret submission in God’s way, you will agree it is not supposed to be seen as slavery, or suffering. This isn’t the submission God is talking about.

“In essence, you need to put these things in their right perspective. You might be a woman, and you are the one that God has blessed to provide for the family, don’t see it as a punishment.”

She said it was wrong for society to address a woman as the husband for being the one providing for the home, and the husband as the wife for his inability to provide for his family. 

According to her, “That you can provide for the family shouldn’t change the fact that your husband remains your husband and he is the head of the family. This is where the problem starts from.”

She said the true definition of submission means that, even though a woman has the power and capacity to lead and to rule, she should decide to still rule and lead while under the leadership of her husband.

“You want to do something; you give suggestions and let your husband take the decision. You let him lead even though you know that you are the one that is financially capable of carrying out those decisions.

“This is for peace to reign according to God’s desire in marriage; you should allow the man to be in the forefront.

“So I think what this generation lacks is these two things. The bible says wisdom is profitable to direct. In these 28 years, I have given my husband submission, and the submission I have given to him has made him become a better man.

“Because he trusts me more. I have the best of his interest at heart, and so he gives me a free hand to operate, because he’s not scared. That’s what submission does. Submission makes a man trust you, and see that you have his best interest at heart,” she said.

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