Absence doesn’t necessarily make the heart grow fonder

Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been having an affair with one of my husband’s good friends for the past six months and I think I’m in love with him. He’s also married and we’re good family friends. I’m really confused about the relationship as he carries on as if nothing is between us when we’re with other people, yet he shows a lot of passion in the bedroom.

In fairness to him, it all started out as a bit of fun and I’m sure that’s the way he still sees it. I daren’t tell him the way I feel in case he ends the affair. I also don’t want to seem pushy, as he’s made no promises. I know he’s sexually attracted to me. But is that all?

Kuburat, by e-mail

Dear Kuburat,

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Whether your lover feels love for you is not the point. Couples everywhere quietly fool around with each other’s closest friends. Apart from that, these extramarital games usually have little emotional value and do not provide romance let alone a happy new beginning.

The consequences of being found out are often immensely painful for everyone involved.

There’s no doubt you have feelings for this adulterer – there’s always a feeling of lust between attractive partners when they have sex – it is elementary chemistry. Your husband’s friend is obviously using you for sex and he’s quite happy with the way things are. Put an end to this ‘party’ as soon as you can, before you’re left with burnt fingers.

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