Dear Bunmi,

AFTER 29 years of marriage and three children, I have this feeling there’s absolutely no love or affection between me and my husband. He works from home after he was retired.  But, most of the time, he just sits around watching Super Sports.

I still have a job and only our last child is left in school, but he scarcely helps financially or around the house, even when I’m not feeling well.

READ ALSODoes he love both of us?

I want to leave him, but I don’t know how to go about it, or where to go when I eventually do. I think I deserve another chance at happiness. Do you have an idea of what I should do?

Uche, by e-mail.

Dear Uche,

You’ve obviously arrived at a state of great loneliness and this, sometimes, happens in a marriage. You need to know that your husband also feels alone and, perhaps, feels that his life is worth little.

Subtly let him know that this state of limbo you’re currently in is not why you two got together all those years ago.  Complain less about his selfish and lazy behaviour, as that will get you nowhere.

Instead, express your needs and encourage him to discuss his. What do both of you want from your lives, now the kids have grown? How are you going to achieve those needs?

Relationships exist because people share dreams, and you need to discover the ones you still have in common.

It’s not going to be easy after all those years together.  Calling it quits would be the very last thing to consider. 

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