By Ijeoma Muolokwu
Back in the day, when we lived in Onitsha, can’t remember exactly when but it should be between 2005 and 2006.
My mum asked me to wash the stock fish (isi okporoko) that would be used in making the soup. In the process I found a fishing hook stuck in the throat of the stock fish. It was my first time seeing a hook.
The firstt thing that crossed my mind was the song “I will make you fishers of men”… I thought to myself, maybe this is a calling from above.
I brought my brother in on my thoughts and we both agreed to answer the calling, I mean we wouldn’t want to end up like biblical Jonah!
But of course, if we were going to be fishers of men, we would first have to be fishermen.
So the next day, we both grabbed the spring curtain line, used to hang curtains in those days, made our own hook and line and headed for River Niger.
Mum would have killed us if she knew we went to River Niger but we didn’t care about that because we felt the end would justify the means. By the time we pack fish come back, she no go reason am again.
On getting to river Niger, we were filled with confidence. Yes, fishermen are here, we felt. We attached a palm kernel fruit to the hook to attract the fishes and threw in the hook.
We tried and tried for over an hour but were not able to catch at least one tiny fish. We persisted.
Finally our hook caught something, it was quite heavy, you can’t even begin to imagine the excitement on our faces… I mean the type you see on the face of a yahoo boy when maga finally pays.
Hustle don pay you know, we were so elated.
It was definitely a big fish, we could feel it!
We then dragged out our catch. But to our greatest surprise… It wasn’t a fish, but a bag of shit! As in akpa nsË! It was wrapped in a nylon bag.
I’d never been that disappointed in my entire life. However, my brother, being who he is, laughed the hell outta me.
That was how I left the hook, the line and the sack of shit and went straight home!
Brethren, na so our fishing expedition ended.
I never tried it again and Mum never heard of our adventure.