By Bunmi Sofola
After a certain period of time, it is human nature to want to make changes in your life, whether it’s committing to that long-term gym membership you know deep down you’re never really going to use, or coming to the realisation that you’re not quite where you want to be in your life. And one major casualty of change seems to be relationships.
Break-ups themselves are never easy. It doesn’t take a genius to work that one out. We’ve all been through it at one time or another, and it’s safe to assume that we, or our friends will probably go through it again.
It’s a cruel reality we’ve all come to terms with. However, as the complex humans we are, we never really know if we are in fact making the right decisi0on. There must have been a time in your life when you know yourself that you’re in a crappy relationship but you just can’t seem to let go.
You tell yourself that you’re not too happy. Things aren’t really that bad, are they? But when even your friends start picking up on it, you begin to think maybe they are on to something. The problem is break-ups aren’t black and white. The most important things is to trust your gut. You know it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
So stop thinking of half-hearted reasons to stick around and do what needs to be done. If you feel you’re stuck in romantic purgatory and you’re struggling for charity, relationship experts advise you get your head straight by asking yourself these questions …
Are you settling? They always say you should never settle for second best – and they’re absolutely right. A lot of people panic when they find themselves single in their late 20s, for instance, and latch on to the nearest thing they could call a significant other to make sure they’re not alone. That scenario often sees you end up in a mediocre relationship for the rest of your days. If that’s you, and you feel like you’re just going through the motions, have a word with yourself, call it a day and find someone worth settling down with.
Are you over the past? Everyone has a past, but sometimes, it’s something we can’t – or won’t – forget. Say your partner cheated on you when you first got together. You chose to forgive him, yet it continuously comes up in argument and everyday situations. If you can’t get over the past, how can you even begin to enjoy the present, never mind the future? Some things are just too big to forgive and forget, so decide if you can in fact let go. And if you can’t let him go.
Are you brushing things under the carpet? I’m not talking about trivial things, I’m talking about things that might hurt your feelings to make you feel inferior or unwanted. You might brush the odd mean statement aside or try to put what happened one night to the back of your mind. But if those small yet very hurtful things continue to happen, you’re going to spend the whole of your relationship feeling bad. If you’re constantly in tears because of the things you brush under the carpet , ask yourself are you really dating the man of your dreams?
Are you still communicating? Relationships are never plain sailing. This is perfectly normal. But problems do need to be resolved so that you’re able to move forward within a happy and healthy relationship. Communication is fundamental to compromise and all the best relationships have an open door policy when it comes to talking about feelings. If you’re not able to talk to your partner about how you feel, maybe you should think twice about whether this is a relationship you’re happy with.
Do you revisit the same situations? Every relationship has its bugbearers. But if the same problems present themselves time and again, something’s clearly amiss – or someone has obviously got a chip on their shoulder. This ‘one step forward, two steps back’ scenario doesn’t bode well so, unless you’re able to gain some closure on recurring issues, perhaps a break-up is the best solution.
Are you compromising? Relationships are all about compromise. For instance, if your man is a football fan, for God’s sake, let him watch the game – as long as you’re allowed to watch your soaps during the week, that is. It’s a daft example, but it works! However, in some relationships things aren’t worth the compromise when you realise you’re simply never going to see eye to eye on things, no matter how hard you try. So if you’re struggling to meet in the middle, maybe it is time to part ways.
Are you happy? The best advise here is to be honest with your self. Trust your gut – and don’t ignore it. Deep down you always know the right decision to make. Whether you make it or not is a different kettle of fish! Happiness isn’t a difficult thing to define. You know when you wake up with a smile on your face – and if your significant other isn’t making you feel this way, either fix it or find the courage to walk away. Break-ups are pretty hard when the cut is first made. They hurt. But when the wound starts to heal, you’ll realise putting yourself and your own feelings first was the best decision you could have made. And when someone asks you, ‘so why did you break up with him?’ you won’t need to go into details. You can simply say, ‘I put myself first’.
How daft can you get? (Humour)
A lad goes to a chemist to buy a pack of condoms. To his embarrassment, the beautiful girl behind the counter asks if he knows how to wear one.
“Em, well …” he stutters. “No, I don’t actually”. So, she takes one out of the pack and slips it over her thumb to demonstrate.
Then as the chemist shop is empty, she beckons him in to the back room, and slips off her blouse and bra. Come, “she purrs, it’s time to slip your condom on”.
As he does so, she drops her skirt, removes her undies and lies down on the desk. The lucky lad climbs on top of her and enjoys himself so much that he can’t hold back.
Their rump is over in just a few minutes. “Well?” The girl frowns. “Did you put that condom on?”
“I sure did”, he grins holding up his thumb to show her!
He’s not as thick as they thought (Humour)
A couple decides the only way to pull off a daytime quickie while their 10-year-old son is in the flat, is to send him on to the balcony to report on the neighbours. The boy begins his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“Looks like the Andersons have company, and Matt’s riding a new bike, he calls out. “Oh, and the Coopers are having sex”. Mum and Dad sit up in bed. “How do you know that?”, the startled father asks. The boy shouts, “Their kid’s out on the balcony too”.