June 24, 2020

He doesn’t know I’ve fallen out of love with him

He doesn’t know I’ve fallen out of love with him



Dear Bunmi,

My current boyfriend is my childhood sweetheart and we’ve been together for over six years. The problem is I’m not in love with him anymore. He doesn’t ring my bell like he used to.

Mind you, I still like him as a friend but when he touches me, my skin crawls! He’s now talking about marriage and I don’t see me spending the rest of my life with him. How do I let him down nicely?

Justina, by e-mail.

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Dear Justina,

Lovers fall out of love all of the time, but you need to be absolutely sure you don’t want him any more. It’s unfair to play games – suggesting a split, and then making up again.

Break the news sensitively. Take the blame yourself and leave your ex feeling he’s still worth something.

One thing you should expect is to feel bad afterward. Even though it was you who made the break, you’ll feel shocked, upset and down as you cope with this new phase in your life. Don’t prolong the agony by feeling sorry for him because if you continue to sleep together, you will make it harder to get over each other.

As you move on, ask yourself what you gained and what you learnt. Even the worst relationships can teach you something good about yourself and about life. As for being friends afterwards, only time will tell.