Dear Bunmi,

Believe it or not, I am a virgin at 25. My problem now is that my boss and her daughter are trying to get me into bed. After I finished at law school, my mom arranged for me to work in her friend’s chambers, to gain experience. Sadly, my mother recently lost her battle against breast cancer. She died, leaving me devastated, and my boss said if I ever needed anyone to talk to, she would always be there for me.

Then, she started inviting me to her place for meals. She’s a single mother of two, and lives with her daughter, who is of the same age with me. I was leaving her house one night, after a meal, when she asked me to wait. She shut the door and started kissing me. But she stopped when her daughter arrived. The next day at work, she started sending me saucy e-mails, saying, “I think you have a hot body.”

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Now, she’s confessed she has feelings for me and she wants things to get sexual between us. I’ve never had sex before, so I don’t think I’d be much good to her.

I’ve also been spending time with her daughter. She’s single and very pretty. I’ve introduced her to my friends because she wants to meet a man. This had taken my mind off things and got me socialising again. I thought she’d find a man quickly, but it hasn’t happened. So, I asked her why. She said it was because the person she would really love to be with is me. Then, she asked me to come up to her bedroom. I was shocked and a bit lost for words.

Why has this happened? I don’t know what to do. It’s stressing me out. I’m worried one of them will say the wrong thing to the other at home and it’ll all blow up in my face. What should I do?

Bayo, by e-mail.


Dear Bayo,

You obviously know very little about women, and I fear you’re letting these two women take over and dictate your life. You’re 25 and still a virgin and, judging by the female attention you’re getting, I’m guessing you’re an attractive man. So, it’s fairly safe to presume there is a reason other than lack of opportunity as to why you’ve hung onto your virginity.

If you were eager to put the proverbial notches on your bed-post, you’d have slept with the mother and the daughter. Instead, you resisted the mother and while you were attracted to the daughter, the attraction faded when she tried to lure you into bed. You are obviously not out for sex, but out for a real connection…and it is okay to be.

You have lost your dear mum and are feeling lost and vulnerable. The last thing you need is a weird mother/daughter sex triangle. If you can find another legal firm to work with, do so. If not, let the mother realise that as much as you’ve appreciated her support, you’re not interested in having a relationship that is more than maternal.

As for the daughter, I think you should steer clear. It’s going to be very messy if you date her. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but mother losing out to daughter is something even more dastardly. You deserve to be with someone who really cares about you, who’s willing to take it slow and let you initiate sex when you feel ready to have it. So, go back to socialising with your friends and simply enjoy yourself until you feel truly ready for a relationship



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