By Bunmi Sofola

Suppose you lived in a two room apartment with your partner, how would you organise your living space?  Option (a) Shared bedroom would be a must.  Option (b) Each person would have his or her own room, but at least one of them would have to be set up so you could spend the night together.  When I came across the above question in a recent survey that set out to find out how many couples would prefer separate bedrooms, a friend’s recent plight came to  mind.

love making

Married for years, her middle-aged husband was suddenly having a serious affair.  “The heartbreaking bit about this was watching him make the effort to look good most nights and knowing he was making all these efforts for another woman”, she said sadly.  She lives in a big house with several bedrooms with her family, why didn’t she move into one of the rooms if her husband’s antics were giving her so much stress?

She looked at me as if I’d gone off my rocker.  “If I moved to another room, I might not have any intimacy with him again. I mean, for now, whenever he’s home, he sleeps in our bedroom – and that gives me hope that this affair will soon blow over…”

The results of the survey revealed that 22 percent of the couples polled chose the option of separate rooms. Traditionally, happy couples have spent night after night, year after year, sharing a room and the double bed in it.  But the figures in the survey seem to show a shift in the way many couples now think.

The assumption that loving couples always sleep together could soon be a thing of the past. Experts believe it is a need for personal space that is driving this trend.

That although a snoring partner , hectic lifestyle and children will certainly cause sleeplessness for many couples, the truth is that none of these appear to be the main issue in a couple’s decision to opt for separate rooms.  That some people have such a need for their own personal space that sharing a bedroom would be a turn-off.  One trend with most palatial homes these days is that most of them have master bedrooms.

“This is a relatively new thing probably to do with people becoming more independent, leading busier, more active lives”, explains Elliot, an architect who confesses he has most of his brilliant ideas whilst ensconced in his cosy  bedroom with no distractions.  “These days, people settle down at a later-stage. They’re used to living on their own for long. Such people are worried that they’ll miss having their own space if they share a bedroom.  And it’s been proved that couple relationships can work without actually having to share a bedroom.

The fact remains though that in our society, sharing a double bed is a symbol of intimacy, it obviously creates the opportunity to have sexual intimacy and that’s why it has always been a focus.  But all those rules are there to be bent. What intimacy means to one person may be different from what it means to another. And it must be emphasized that sleep together is still important for the majority of couples in spite of the snoring, bed cover hugging, night-time reading and disruption by young children’. What’s important is that each couple decides which method suits them most without ulterior motives being suspected.”

Still on the antics going on in some bedrooms, Kiki recalled an embarrassing moment she had when she felt for the temptation of sleeping with Greg, her boyfriend Deji’s best friend. Kiki, a fashion designed was also friendly with Greg’s steady, Mandy.

“Greg and I had innocently flirted with each other”, said Kiki, “But we crossed the line when I agreed to give my opinion on his new cook.

When I arrived at Greg’s, he told me his steady travelled and I wasn’t expected until the weekend.  Very convenient, I thought. , I could take care of myself. The food the new cook prepared was very delicious,  and the wine even better. Greg was on his most outrageous behaviour and he was quite a kisser too, though how we got to the kissing stage remains a mystery to me!  One thing led to the other and Greg inched me into the bedroom so that the cook could clear up.  I protested but he continued to steer me towards his bedroom another bottle of wine in his hands.  It must have been the kiss. As we continued necking, he turned the key in the lock and we were at it like some experimental school children.  A few minutes later, there were angry rasps on the door!  Who the heck could that be?

“Greg … Greg ..!” shrieked an angry female voice.  It was Mandy, Greg’s girlfriend!  “Open the door”, she insisted. I know you’re in t here, the cook told me!”  Greg’s face fell.  He shushed me and we both sat on the bed like some criminals who’d been caught out, hoping she would go away. After shouting herself hoarse, Mandy stated hammering at the lock with a heavy -sounding object!  “Come out or I’ll damage this door”, she yelled, still hammering away with a vengeance. By this time, we were both decent and with a few more bangs, the bedroom door flew open.

“You!”, Mandy said, surprised, when she saw me. I’d never felt so small in my life as I saw the pain in her eyes.  “I thought I knew the car in the drive, but I never suspected it would be you”.  “Nothing happened”, Greg protested, but Mandy just went to the living room and sat down, looking at me as if I were a traitor. My humiliation was complete as I left with my dignity in shreds.  Greg didn’t even look at me nor see me to the door.  He was busy consoling a weeping Mandy. What had I let myself in for?  Mandy was sure to tell Deji. She was hurt and would want her pound of flesh.  So, what excuse would I give to Deji for being locked in his friend’s bedroom until the girlfriend came to hack down the door?  Greg had looked like the greener grass and only now I’ve burnt my fingers did I begin to see him for the opportunist he really is …”