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Would my lover’s friend spill the beans?

Dear Bunmi,

I have been married for close to 30 years. Eighteeen years ago, my husband and I went through a rough patch when his philandering took an alarming turn. Out of frustration, I did something I regretted by starting an affair with a man in my office. He was single then, but in a relationship with a lady he later married.


I found out later my lover had told a friend of his who is a member of my husband’s club about our affair. I’ve met my husband’s club member a couple of times and I’m scared  he could inform my husband about our illicit affair. I don’t want to carry on with a marriage in jeopardy  due something that happened  several years ago.

Boma, by e-mail.

Dear Boma,

The scariest secret a woman can keep is that of infidelity. All of us have skeletons in our cupboards but yours have been rattling and hunting you for too long! Almost two decades ago when you felt in need of affection, you momentarily lost control and indulged in an affair. Your husband had his share of affairs too. But what makes you think this lover of yours who is now married and with children, will want to upset the apple cart after all these years? He has as much to loose as you.

If your worst nightmare were to come true, it would be your word against his. What explanation would he give to his wife if he goes about bragging about a stale affair?

Do you know how many times this man’s had had love affairs after yours? I would put the whole incident at the back of my mind if I were you. Both you and your husband are in your midlife years — you have more constructive plans to grapple with.


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