By Pastor Okokon Ating
Any conflict in marriage which is not resolved ami-cably has a lot of implicat-ion. Unresolved conflicts attract some dangers and consequences that can hurt and put the family into an everlasting regret and tears. The following points arise when conflicts are not re-solved:
Oppression and supp-ression:
The dictionary meaning of oppression is a state when people are treated in a cruel and unfair way, especially by not giving them the same freedom, rights, as other people while suppression is the act to put to an end, often by force, a group or an activity that is believed to threaten authority (usually disapproving).
Oppression and supp-ression are two words that could attract:
- The spirit of dictator-ship: No matter how und-erstanding couples may be in a marriage, they can’t stand long with the spirit of dictatorship ei-ther from the wife or husband. Couples should learn to respect each oth-er in marriage, they should correct themselves in lo-ve, no one is a slave and no one should be an opp-ressor, with this system, conflict can be easily re-solved.
- Absolute authority: it is accepted that husband should be the head of the family, but when a hus-band exercises absolute authority, then the wife will be useless because she also has her role to play as the wife and mother of the children.
- Fear in the house-hold: Oppression or sup-pression create fear in the household, wrong attitude in marriage is as a result of unresolved conflicts. It is common in some marr-iages with a wrong found-ation, marriage becomes horrible when wives are not free, when the children are not free and the men also experience it, people should not live together in fear because marriage is meant to be enjoyed.
- Weighty burden in the heart as a result of feel-ing inferior and cheated: Conflict is a termite that eats deep into marriages and causes mental, psy-chological and physical damages.
- Lack of fair hearing to one another
- The right of one is denied
- Treating one another as a second class citizen at home
- Exoneration of oneself from taking responsibility in the course of the rela-tionship
Insult and abuse:
Disrespectful behavior tends to manifest through insult and abuse by either of the partners, using some uncomely words at each other. Such words as: worthless person, good for nothing, bush man, illiterate, dirty wo-man, smelling thing, fool, idiot, spoilt fish, silly, stupid, ‘mumu’ harlot, animal or dunk etc
The above is commonly found among “Child marriage” where both parties are not matured to know the responsibilities of married couples to each other.
- Confusion, despair and hopelessness
According to Gary R. Collins “Every marriage is built on hope….People marry because they hope that life together will be more effective, satisfying and purposeful than life alone”