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I’ve invested too much to leave him

Dear Bunmi,

My current boyfriend is a professional and so am I. We earn good salaries and live in a flat we both furnished towards when we’ll get married. I thought I loved him but a few weeks ago, I met a friend’s brother who was on a short visit to the country. He was wonderful and witty and our lovemaking was mind-blowing.

My problem is that I believe I’m in love with this new man who says he’s recently been separated from his wife and is in love with me too. He has since gone back but we talk on the phone fairly regularly. I’m now having doubts about my current boyfriend but if I leave now, I will end up losing a lot of money I’d invested in the flat. Help!

Mandy by e-mail.

 

Dear Mandy,

What the heck do you think you’re doing? You’ve made a commitment but one glance from this JJC and you’re throwing all you’ve built for years out of the window.

There is a difference between a solid relationship where you love each other, build a life; and a flash-in-the-pan romance, such as you had with this other man.

If meeting this man has shown you that your relationship could be seriously wrong, then leave. You might lose the money you’d invested in your flat, but at least you’ll be free to love someone you really care for. But are you sure of this new man who is still married and might not be free to commit for years maybe?

I would advise that you settle down to making a successful future with your man instead of replacing certainty with a dream.


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