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Haunted by memories of past lovers!

Dear Bunmi,

I count myself lucky. I am married to a wonderful man and have an adorable son, but I’m really unhappy. When I was younger, I had a very active social life.

I met men, went on dates and to parties, and along the way, I had some good relationships and flings.

Then I met my husband and fell madly in love with him. Now I feel so guilty about all those men I’d slept with before I met him.

What if he found out? I can’t change the past but how can I cope with the humiliation of being found out as such an awful person?

Shafi, by e-mail.


Dear Shafi,

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not an awful person. The fact that you were intimate with other men before your husband is irrelevant. When you slept with those men, you did it for the best reasons: you wanted to give and get affection and support.

Plus, you didn’t even know your husband then. In fact, your husband has most probably slept with as many people as you have – if not more! He knows he’s not the first man you’ve been with.

I advise you stop fretting about the past and enjoy the happiness that you’ve now found. To be a good wife and mother, you need to put the past behind you.

The happier you are, the happier your husband and son will be.

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