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I’m not ready to propose yet

Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for close to four years and I’m sure I want to spend the rest of my life with her, only I’m not sure if I’m ready to get married yet. Her family is not making things easy for me. Every time I talk to them, they ask me when I’m going to propose. I’m worried that if I do it now, my girlfriend will think her family pressurised me into it, and that it didn’t come from me. Do you think I should just cave in and get married to keep everyone else happy?

Dave,

by e-mail.

 

Dear Dave,

After four years of being with this woman, I don’t really get the reason you’re still dragging your feet. Is it for financial reason? You said you would want to spend the rest of your life with her, but you are not ready for marriage yet? I think you should be flattered that your girlfriend’s family is eager to welcome you into their fold! If you don’t get a move on, your girlfriend might mistake your indecision for reluctance. She might think you don’t want to get married and could meet someone while you’re still dithering. This could put a spanner in your works.

On the other hand, if you really are not sure about marriage, don’t rush into it, whatever the pressure. Asking someone to share their life with you isn’t like asking them on a date. There’s no going back without someone getting hurt. Only, you have to be fair and let your girlfriend know of your fears. If after four years she’s still willing to hang around for you to make up your mind, that would be entirely up to her. If, however, she’s impatient to get married, then you must be prepared to let her go.

 


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