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What does my daughter want with this older man?

Dear Bunmi,

My daughter is 19 and an undergraduate. She has started going out with a 30-year-old man who lives in the family home with the two children from his previous relationship. I am not happy at all about this relationship as the age gap is far too big and I’m worried about what his intentions are towards my daughter. Why does he want to be with a 19-year-old and not a woman his age?

My daughter insists she’s matured for her age but she’s not at all. This man is also unemployed and hides under the guise of being a businessman. I don’t want my daughter to take on the responsibility of taking care of someone else’s children before she’s 20!

How do 1 convince her that this relationship is no good for her?

Rolake, by e-mail.

Dear Rolake,

I can understand your concern but rather than wondering why he is not with a girl his own age, you may want to ask your daughter why she isn’t with a boy her own age. I agree she’s too young to take on another man’s children, but unfortunately, our kids don’t always appreciate what they see as silly old parent’s concerns.

It’s best to talk to her about what she wants and why she’s with him rather than trying to guess his motives. if you try to convince her to end this relationship, you may drive her away, so keep calm and keep the channels of communication open. Speak to her as an adult and as long as she’s talking to you and knows you’re there to support her, I’m sure she’ll make the right decision in the end. If her

decision is to continue seeing him, it might be hard, but you must put on a brave face and be as positive as possible. It’s better you stay with friends than let him come between you. A parent’s love must be unconditional, however hard it is.


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