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My daughter needs to be brought down to earth!

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Dear Bunmi,

My 30-year-old daughter has taken herself into the world of the high and mighty to such an extent that I hardly knew her any more. She’s married to a very successful  car merchant and lives in a very big house on the Island in Lagos. She has high- achieving friends and is talking like them. This was the same person who gave mehell when she was growing up.

By the time she was 20, she’d had a couple of abortions and was always hanging around men, drinking and smoking. She’s obviously brushed all these under the carpet  now. The last time she was at my place, she went on and on about wanting more children. She already has two and her husband wants more.

I was so fed up with her moaning that I asked if her failure to get pregnant didn’t have something to do with her past wild life and the abortions she had in the past. If  looks could kill, I would have died instantly from the look she gave me. Now I’m very upset by the rift between us. She’s my daughter, but her phony life-style is cracking me up. Chi, bye-mail.

Dear Chi,

Your problem definitely is different! Why shouldn’t your daughter leave her mistakes behind and start again?

Teenagers are sometimes tear-aways who make mistakes because of their raging hormones. Most of them quickly get over their wild days and tow the line. Who then wants to be reminded of a mis-spent youth? Aren’t you proud she’s made something of herself? What’s so phony about being such a success?

Are you in any way jealous of your daughter’s achievements? Why else would you even think of humiliating her to her face? You need to get bigger than your resentment and be happy for your daughter and the wonderful grandchildren she’s given you. She hasn’t ended in the gutter where you were obviously expecting her to be. You need to be proud of who you are too.

If there are some things lacking in your life to make you feel this resentment about a daughter you gave life to, this is the time to put right.

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