By Yetunde Arebi

Hi,

It is believed that one’s first love is the true love of one’s life. Most, never forget them, even when the relationship might have ended on a not so happy note. A first love is often said to be so engraved in one’s heart such that most never really stop loving them or can forget them. The same rules applies to the first time one has sex as an individual.   

Virginity is synonymous with innocence, and once the threshold has been crossed, one’s eyes and vision is believed to have been opened to the possibilities of the adventures the human body can provide. Akin to the innocence lost in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Even took a bite of the forbidden fruit.

It is that even that finally launches girls into women and boys to men according to Betty Wright in her evergreen song, tonight is the night. So, how did it happen is one question I love to ask anyone I know whenever the opportunity to air our secret linens out presents itself. And boy! Do, I get a lot    of varied answers? I’ve met a lot of women with not so good memories about their first time experience, just as I have met men with the weird experiences that capable of making one’s jaws drop. Let me share a few with you today.

Abidemi, Lawyer and Company Secretary, said  “it used to be by force in our time. My first experience was with my boyfriend. I used to visit him regularly and each time, he made demands which I would always turn down. When I realized that he’d been worrying me too much, I decided not to go there as often as I used to. I then went once a month.

One evening, I was with him in his room when he started playing with me. I already knew what will end the game, so I stood up and told him I was going home. He refused, shutting the windows and door and switched off the light. I called his name and pleaded, but he forced himself on me. I thought the world would come to an end.

It was painful and I cried that day, I couldn’t sit or stand for a while. All I could do was to lie down. I could not even pass out urine because of the painful feeling. I later confided in my mummy, and she helped treat me.

But not after serious scolding and beating from my father.    To make the matter worse, my parents called his parents and informed them about what had happened and my father told them that they should just accept that their son already had a wife. It was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me. Till today, everyone in our families know what happened between us back then. Of course we never married each other. We both ended up with different partners once we went off to the university.

Amina’s was not a good experience at all.  “But the fact that I was a virgin saved me from being gang rapped. I had gone to visit a school friend one Saturday on her invitation. On my arrival there, I discovered she had gone on an errand for her mother.

I was invited into the house by her brother where I met her other two brothers who also welcomed me and asked me to wait. My first mistake was accepting their invitation to wait. The second was accompanying the three of them to their apartment in the Boys’ Quarters. And the third was my not being aware of the rather quiet sitting room and the whole compound, their parents had already gone out for the day!

As soon as I entered their room, one went ahead to lock the door while another began to fondle me. My under wears were torn and they were fiddling away from me. But thanks to the jeans dress I was wearing, I would have gone home naked. I fought back all I could but was overpowered by the three of them. They flung me onto the bed and one of them tied my legs astride the bed while to my utter dismay, and horror, one was already undressed and came on top of me.

I still wince and cringe when I remember the thrust, and force with which it was done. It was a very bitter experience. The pain was so searing. The next thing I notice was a wetness all over my laps.

It was when he got up for the next guy to take his turn that they discovered the bed was covered in blood! Shit, one of them screamed. She is a virgin. They pulled me up and one of them threw me a towel while another went about packing the bed sheets from the bed. They suddenly became tender and apologetic. They said sorry and pleaded with me not to tell anybody. They helped me to put on my dress, and led me out to the Taxi park and even paid for the fare!

But did you know that all these while, I never knew what the word virgin meant, how much more, how one loses it?   I discovered both at the same time. (This must have been really shattering)

However, I never told anyone at home nor my girlfriend, their sister. And I am very positive they too did not breath a word of it to anybody because up till this day, I never heard anything about the episode and I never went anywhere near that house again till I left that town for Lagos”.

Gloria is the crazy one and in her typical, independent style, declared  “ I popped it because everyone around was doing it. I went out one day and got myself this handsome, tall, dark guy. I can’t even remember his name now, but he was a lawyer and worked with a law firm on the Island. We did it that very day in a nice looking hotel room.

He was very shocked when he discovered he was the first. I am sure that he had thought of me as a pro, prior. He was really shocked on discovering the truth. But what I did after really pulled his socks off. He wanted us to start dating, insisting he’d never met a virgin in his life and would like to marry me. I refused and practically left him in the room. I’ve always been a crazy girl.

All my friends were going about, attaching some unnecessary sentiments to the whole thing, going on and on about their boyfriends. I had a guy I also referred to as my boyfriend then but I didn’t want him to do it. I bumped into the guy a few times over the years but besides the casual greetings, I always refuse to acknowledge him”.

For Eki, it was from a heart filled with love.  “We had been dating for a over a year and everyone already knew us together, even members of our different families. We had tried several times before we finally made it one day. I spent the night with him.

We struggled at it all night. It was painful and had the usual red blood. We had to break up eventually for many reasons. Though I still remember him with all the love and affection I felt for him at the time. Sometimes I still wish we can still come together. I was young and in love and I guess I still am in a way. I was afraid he would leave me if I didn’t give in to his request. I didn’t want that to happen, so I just went along with it. unfortunately, he still left me.

Osah, an Accountant revealed that a family friend took advantage of her.  “He was my big brother’s friend and a regular caller at our home. He was older with about eight years, wiser and the most handsome guy I’d ever met then. I was very young.

It was a bit difficult for us to meet, but each time the opportunity came, he never wasted time in showing me how much he loved and wanted me by fondling me. I was foolish too. The feeling was strange and delicious to my senses. I thought it was love. And one day, before I realized what hit me, it was all over.

It happened in my brother’s room. He had come when my brother was not around and decided to wait for him. I started hating him after that.  The difficult part of it all is that up till today, I still see him since he has remained a very good friend of my brother’s and nobody knew about our short affair. We only manage to exchange pleasantries and nothing else now. I still hate him so much after all these years”.

Soft spoken Janet, an events planner and business woman said popping it was non- negotiable as they already had an agreement. “My first experience was with my husband on our wedding night. I was 26 years old. I was born into a strict Christian family and all my life had been spent in faith with Christian brothers and sisters.

I met my husband in the university and he also came from a good Christian home. We are both from the same village in Oyo state.   It was hard growing up and not being able to join the crowd like one was expected to.

I had to pray hard to resist the temptation, even from my husband during our courtship. It is not as if we did not have the urge to try things out once a while, but we were always able to surmount the urges and temptations. I don’t regret my waiting till my wedding night because I love my husband and wouldn’t have enjoyed it better with any other man. More so, my faith and religion forbids it.

I was very happy and proud of myself. But I think my husband and parents-in-law were even prouder because they told everyone in their family and I was given a big cow as a gift for keeping myself. I sometimes wonder what it would be like with someone else though.

I think it is normal. However, that will amount to committing adultery and I will not come this far only to now spoil it all. As for my husband, I was not his first. He confessed that he had done it before with two other girls before our wedding. Maybe I do feel cheated at times but it is not that I actually mind at all.

Hmm! Let’s hear it from the guys next week. Do have a wonderful weekend!!