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New boyfriend too energetic for my liking

Dear Bunmi,

HAVING sex with my new man is putting me off sex. The first time we did it, we tried six positions! He’s up for trying everything, but all at once.

I believe he’s eager to impress me. But it’s so full on and seems so planned it makes me want to laugh rather than turning me on.

How can I make him see it’s all a bit too much without denting his enthusiasm?

He’s quite young and I think: he’s inexperienced. I suspect he’s got all this stuff he’s trying from sex books or in taking lessons from watching porn. How do I tell him to slow down without hurting his feelings?

Hairat, bye-mail.

Dear Hairat,

It’s a common perception among young men that the way to impress a girl is to show just how many sexual positions they know. Sadly, it achieves quite the opposite. It’s been confirmed that most women don’t orgasm through penetration, and oral sex can be more effective – with most needing the same technique with no variation, done slowly and gently, over and over.

Rather than upsetting him by pointing this out you need to lead by example. ease him mercilessly, do everything to him slowly and he would get the message it’s a lot sexier that way. When he does sticks at a method you like, let him know how much you’re enjoying it. If he’s still not getting the hint, sit him down and tell him while other women might love changing positions all the time, it’s not really working for you. If you make it about your personal preference rather than him, he’s unlikely to get offended.


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