Dear Bunmi,

MY son-in-law seems to despise my family and I don’t know what to do. He thinks we’ve brought our children up b dlyand says that we’re common. My late husband used to tolerate him for the sake of our grandchildren but now that I’m on my own, my on-m-law ignores me when I visit and never thanks me for any birthday presents that I buy him.

My daughter still expects me to visit even though it’s a long journey and I

have to tay overnight. I’m getting tired of all the hassle. What do you think I should do?

Chineze, by e-mail

Dear Chineze,

It may be small comfort to you but it’s obvious that your son-in-law is the one with the problem and until he learns to treat you with respect, I see no reason why you should put up with his appalling behaviour a minute longer. You need to sit down with both your daughter and son-in-law and tell them exactly how you feel.

Then demand an explanation as to why he insists on treating you this way (even though there’s no excuse for him not thanking you for your presents).

If you feel you can’t do this face-to-face, then send your daughter a letter like this one you’ve written here. You’re entitled to be treated courteously by your son- in-law, and until he learns to change his ways, I suggest you tell your daughter that from now on, she’ll have to bring the children to your house. At least that way, you won’t be on edge waiting for the next nasty quip – and your grandchildren win get to see a happier, more relaxed grandma.


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