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How to handle an erratic partner

By Bunmi Sofola

Does your man behave like a bull in the China shop from time to time? Don’t let his temper faze you more than necessary. “Men are conditioned to express anger,” explains American psychologist, Steven Stosny, “hence your man’s proclivity to punch the computer when it crashes or fling the clicker when it won’t work (before checking the batteries).” So how do you deal with your man’s incredible hulk habits?

Steven Stosny advises you should wait for the storm to pass: Fight the temptation to try to make your man chill when he’s in the midst of a flare up. Yelling at, or even chastising him in the moment will only make him turn on you instead of the frustration source. And don’t bother trying to reason with him either. When your man is in a state of rage, he loses perspective and the ability to listen to logic. Your best bet? Leave the room and let him rage. These attacks usually last less than half an hour. And having your say about his temper will be most effective if you wait until his anger subsides.

Be clear with your complain: Two things you need to know about the male species.   1.They get mad and then they’re over it.

  1. They don’t personalise anger that’s not directed at them and don’t understand why you would. That’s why you need to make sure that he understands how his eruptions are affecting you.

When he’s regained his cool, say something like: “I want you to stop screaming when things go wrong.” Says Stosny. This language works because it challenges him to stay calm in the face of frustration and triggers his desire to please you. Of course, he may deny his hot-tempered behaviour. If he feigns ignorance, mentally catalogue the last few times he lost it, so you can cite examples.


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