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He was only after my money

Dear Bunmi,

After my four-year marriage ended bitterly, my friends insisted I went on an outing with them to cheer me up. While I was at a party, I got chatting to this nice looking man and we really hit it off. The next day, he rang and asked me out and a relationship began. Over the months, he spent more time at my place than I did at his as my flat is lots cosier. It took a while for me to find I was struggling to make ends meet. I went to my bank to get a current statement and noticed that small amounts – N2,000 or N5,000 at a time – had been taken out of my account when I was at work.

I normally leave my debit card at home so I wouldn’t be tempted to buy silly things I don’t really need. In all, they added up to more than N50,000. I asked my boyfriend if it was him. He admitted it and when I accused him of stealing from someone he was supposed to be in love with, he said he’d never really loved me and had just played along because I was always generous. I’m devastated and feel such an idiot for trusting him.

Justina, by e-mail.


Dear Justina,

After what you went through in your marriage, and this current betrayal by a gold-digging boyfriend, it’s easy for you to become bitter, but this emotion can destroy you. Instead, accept that you’ve been taken for a ride and learn from your expenence.

Unfortunately, the police can’t intervene here as you readily made your debit card available and he wasn’t a stranger when the ‘thefts’ happened. Cut your losses and give yourself time to get over the hurt. The next man you meet must be really scrutinised so you wouldn’t look like a magnet that pulls only losers.


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